Monday, March 31, 2008
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Mighty Boosh. Enjoy!
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Alternative Solutions: 'I Know Where You Hide Your Porn', 'Heterosexuality Ruins Marriage' or 'I Like Poor People!, They Make My Trainers' **
The wall gets painted red about twice a year by the council to cover the graffiti that seems to accumulate on it, and obviously someone has chosen their moment to impart something 'meaningful' to us all. It's the dribbling simpleton element of the left in full flow. People who think the above message is anything other than a statement of the blindingly obvious, and more to the point, don't recognise it as a colossal waste of fucking paint and wallspace. I preferred the old graffiti tags that were on there before, they had a certain rough charm if nothing else.
Anyway, here dear reader(s) is your challenge. Taking into consideration the size of the wall, it's elevation and visibility (certainly in winter), I want you to come up with an alternative message for the people of Glasgow. It can be as crude, surreal, clever or banal as you want. In fact, if you can come up with something that is even more ridiculous than "Bad World For Poor People" you will win an extra special (non) prize!
Anyway, I think I have a bout of what may well be Sciatica coming on. I've lost count of the amount of times I've refilled my hot water bottle tonight. Spent most of today at work walking about like a stop-motion Max Wall. Not fucking funny! The yelps of agony when I sneezed or shifted the wrong way in my seat were to be heard in the street I believe...........
Tomorrow: When they steal the kettle and condemn you to drinking hot piss from an electronic box.
**I realise that in this day and age, the last suggestion could and probably would be taken at face value by many people.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Saturday, March 22, 2008
The Sensational Alex Harvey Band version of an old Jaques Brel ditty called 'au Suivant'. Or 'Next' for short.
Thursday, March 20, 2008
So, a replay, more cash for Thistle and a definite advantage to Rangers, as our pitch is like ploughed field with the Rugby that's being played on it. On tonights evidence, Rangers are much Like Glasgow Warriors in that they aren't overly keen on keeping the ball on the ground either. Rangers will whinge about fixture congestion and in a surreal twist, the game will be played on the weekend of the following round of the Scottish Cup (are you following me at the back?), but fuck it! These guys get paid monstrous amounts of money and are supposed to be professional athletes, they can go and fuck themselves if they want to play the "I'm a tired little bunny now" card. Try being a speedway rider and doing three meetings a week in three different countries and see how far you'll get with that pish.
Anyway, my throat is fucked and I'm on my third can as I type this. Damn work in the morning, though it'll be nice to patronise the Rangers fans for a change.............
"Aye, well, ye never know, we could have an off day in the replay and ye might sneak a goal........."
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
George Carlin's Solution to Save Gasoline
Bush wants us to cut the amount of gas we use..... The best way to stop using so much gas is to deport 11 million illegal immigrants!
That would be 11 million less people using our gas. The price of gas would come down.....
Bring our troops home from Iraq to guard the Border...
When they catch an illegal immigrant crossing the border, hand him a canteen, rifle and some ammo and ship him to Iraq ...
Tell him if he wants to come to America then he must serve a tour in the military.....
Give him a soldier's pay while he's there and tax him on it....
After his tour, he will be allowed to become a citizen since he defended this country......
He will also be registered to be taxed and be a legal patriot......
This option will probably deter illegal immigration and provide a solution for the troops in Iraq and the aliens trying to make a better life for themselves......
If they refuse to serve, ship them to Iraq anyway, without the canteen, rifle or ammo.....
I gotta agree with George!
Carlin of course denies authorship, regarding such tracts as being too embarrassingly unfunny to even think about laying claim to them, but theres something odd and sneaky about this. Is this about attempting to associate Carlin, a well known 'pinko' with the American right? Not sure, it seems to happen to a variety of people. John Cleese for instance, Denis Leary too. Whilst one supposes it's flattering to be recognised and to know that someone out there has decided to attribute their comedy stylings to you (rather than the other way about), surely there comes a point where Carlin is thinking "there are millions of people out there who know my name not for my political satire and wit, but for a handful of dreary, laboured, clod-hoppingly obvious chain e-mails that have been sent to every single workerbee in the hive under my name..................Bummer!"
The best/worst part of getting such fatuous nonsense at work is that the subject always comes up for discussion, at which point the sport is to figure out which one of your colleagues is most ignorant about immigration and which ones really just don't like Pakistani's. Idiot Bingo I call it. Great fun for all the family...............House!
Monday, March 17, 2008
The speedway season is back and I'm happy as a pig in shit......... Great fun today, watching everyone bumping and bouncing round the track, trying to find their footing and not get thrown off by the boggy bit at the inside of the track and the dirty great big ruts that always remain after a winter of disuse. The Tigers came good in the end and just edgedout Berwick Bandits with a 5-1 in the final heat.
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Friday, March 14, 2008
Glen Campbell - Guess I'm Dumb
Not a huge Glen Campbell fan, but he certainly knew how to pick his songwriters. Probably best known for his Jimmy Webb collaborations, but this Brian Wilson song was passed his way sometime in 1965 as a 'Thankyou' for filling in on the road for the reclusive Beach Boys genius. It's widely known that Lennon & McCartney offloaded their spare songs in the early sixties on 2nd division Brit-Beat talent, and whilst Brian Wilson could be equally generous with his material, the best was usually kept for his own use. 'Guess I'm Dumb' however was a great song, well arranged and performed wonderfully by Campbell. It should have been bigger than it was. In many ways, this was Wilson starting off on his Pet Sounds trip and it was maybe an early indication that he wasn't going to be able to take everyone on the journey with him like he had when he took the trip to the beach some years before. .
(Sorry, all links are Wikipedia. It's late, I'm tired and it's all pervasive. Sue Me Jack!)
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Taken from a 4AD comp album I dug out at the weekend. Also, new Breeders album out soon
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Monday, March 10, 2008
Sunday, March 09, 2008
Anyway, that's not my beef really, I accept that this is how the game operates and I'm too big a puss to ever get to grips with it. No, my big hassle is trying to watch the footage on TV. Now, back in the old days, it was simple. Uncle Bill McLaren was the commentator and frankly, he knew his shit and had no need for any outside interference. Scottish he may have been, but he was as neutral and professional as it was possible to be. You got the game described to you as it happened, each move or decision related, with maybe the odd wry aside if the ref got something a bit wrong according to the replays.
Alas, Bill has long since has hung up his microphone and we are now free to be subjected to the whimsical notions of TV producers who don't give a flying fuck about sport but instead want to subject us all to what they regard as 'entertaining tv'. Yeah, that'll be the moronic and exhausting pantomime of a Scottish commentator and an English co-commentator spewing their partisan views at us and then getting in a huff with each other during a Calcutta Cup match. Yeah, great for people who rub themselves to messy orgasms over Wifeswap and Big Brother, but fuck me if it's not a massive turn off when watching a sport I need to concentrate hard on to make head nor tale of in the first place. Is it that hard to find someone who will commentate on these things with a degree of professionalism? Isn't it better to do the same as football and simply have specially selected and utterly biased commentary teams for each network or game?
The impression I got of the Scotland V England game yesterday was through the eyes of two fans with microphones. One a professional journalist/commentator who kept letting his guard slide and who should maybe take a closer look at himself and the other a perpetually whining ex- England player who whilst he could argue that this was his role as a co-commentator in the circumstances, really ought to be surplus to requirements. Give me total bias for the target markets or someone man enough to cover the match with something approaching a detached viewpoint.
Right! How about this..... Someone tell me how the fucking game works and I'll do it! I swear, I'm Association Rules through and through, I couldn't care less which bunch of farm hands or public schoolboys wins, I'm articulate, can string a few sentences together.............
I mean, they let Archie McPherson commentate on football AND Beach Volleyball, so surely nothing's sacred.......
Saturday, March 08, 2008
Ok, I promise to stop with the MP3's...... This is Come To The Sunshine by Harpers Bizarre, taken from the Warners compilation 'A Whole Lot Of Rainbows'. The song was written by Van Dyke Parks, who collaborated with Brian Wilson on his ill-starred Smile album.