Wednesday, May 28, 2008
The film is a fascinating insight into how he was able to compartmentalise his life and juggle the various demands of family, sport and business. Many colleagues recalled the hedonism and fun involved in being anywhere near the man, yet others, his son included, recalled a demanding, intensely focussed individual who suffered no fool gladly.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Even old Tel Wogan couldn't pick anything positive out of the mess that was this years Eurovision and by the end had given up cracking wise in favour of a bit of good old fashioned Brit whingeing. The best thing about it was the French entry and that the biggest pile of musical excrement I've ever heard managed to win. I haven't laughed so hard in ages. Tactical voting at Eurovision has always stumped me. Why bother? What are the benefits? The only place you'll find more back scratching is in the chimps enclosure at London Zoo. They really need to change the way this is judged, though my suggestion for the return of the old Opportunity Knocks 'Clap-O-Meter' would probably not go down too well. The fracturing of Eastern Europe and the migration of their populations are factors, but for me, it's the tone deafness of a great many people across the continent as a whole has led to a somewhat farcical situation whereby Britain might as well send Napalm Death or The Fall and have a contest with France and Germany to see who can get the least amount of points. Nobody likes us, We don't care............. Anyway, My rundown of tonight's musical vandals is as follows...... Russia - Is it Nigel Kennedy? Is it Torvil & Dean? Nah, it's a piece of schlocky, overblown bombast from the old Evil Empire. Ice skater and fiddle player doing just enough to distract from a power ballad that Celine Dion would turn down for being too tacky. Serbia - Last years winners and this years hosts. Another bombastic ballad complete with big hair, wind machine and much earnestness. Celine Dion would probably agree to record this, but only as a B-side or an album filler. Germany - Off-key misery from wretched Spice Girls tribute act. Norway - Had that 'country-pop' sound to it. Like Shania Twain. Maybe not quite as shit though.
France - The great Sebastien Tellier provides this years 'pearls before swine' moment. A lovely harmony and synth drenched piece of summer pop, bearded backing singers (slightly wonky) and our hero arriving in a golf cart. Proceeded at one point to suck what I assume was helium from a balloon and sing a bit with a slightly squeaky voice. Obviously not giving the slightest fuck. At least he'll work again............... Spain - Sweet Lord Above!!!! Childrens party pop. Singer in a bad Elvis wig and a toy guitar round his neck proceeds plumb new depths of bad taste by combining the Cheeky Girls and Macarena. Troupe of prat falling comedy dancers behind him provide only the briefest respite. Turkey - Indie rock hits Eurovision. Sort of. Anthemic and bland. Music to punch the air to. Finland - Oh Lordi!! They've done it again. This time, instead of a GWAR, it's Iron Maiden. Very poor. Run To The Hills! Romania - Some sort of duet. Can't remember it as it was the first one on and I was making my tea. United Kingdom - Andy Abraham (who?) did a decent job with a rather bland soul/disco effort. Catchy, yet forgettable. Still better than the cack that won. Albania - Another emotive torch song as I recall. Can't remember anything else about it. Armenia - Eurovision songs seem to divide into four categories. Oddball, Euro-disco, Power ballads and Britney Spears impersonators. This falls into the latter and isn't any the better for it. Bosnia-Hertzegovina - I loved this. Joyful and daft as a brush, with a washing line as a prop and four women dressed as brides on backing vocals. Tel Wogan thought it was a pile of shite, but I humbly beg to differ with the old arsehole on this occassion. Amongst so much banality, it stood out a mile. Israel - Very eastern sounding. Quite tasteful. Nice. Dull........ Croatia - There's always one, isn't there? Van Morrison and the Man from Del Monte take part in a standard issue folky workout complete with mandolins and stuff. Grim. Poland - Another Celine Dion style tune murderer. Iceland - Manky Euro-disco bilge. Portugal - My notes say "Unmitigated Shite". Who am I to disagree? Latvia - Euro-disco pap in Pirate outfits. Yo-Ho-Ho and a bottle of pish. Sweden - Not Abba. Unfortunately. Denmark - Who the fuck let Joe Dolce out for the night? For all that, it was fairly simple and catchy. Ukraine - Thumping uber-disco nonsense. Alright as these things go. Georgia - A plea for peace or something. Similar to the Ukrainian entry, but nowhere near as raunchy. Azerbaijan - Blokes dressed as angels and stuff. One of the singers sounded a bit like Axl Rose, but that's all I remember. Pomp rock plonkers. Greece - Another little Britney clone. Yawn! So, there it is. Eurovision 2008 and it doesn't disappoint. 95 % rot with the best stuff being gratuitously overlooked. It wouldn't be right if the best song won now, would it?
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Saturday, May 17, 2008
I fully expect the locks to have been changed by the time of my next visit.
The other downside is having to operate my fathers laptop. Can someone fill me in on what the attraction is with these things? I hear they are very popular............. My main problems are the flat, cramped keyboard and a ridiculously small mouse that has already started to induce a distinctly claw like appearance in my right hand. I mean, It was going that way anyway but that's not the point.............
Ok, I'm getting the bums rush from the old man, so I'll be going.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Sunday, May 11, 2008
A truly majestic face-off at the conjunction of Buchanan St & Sauchiehall St this afternoon. In the blue corner, a troup of athletic lads bouncing off bins and statues of Donald Dewar, generally delighting all who cast their eyes over them.
........and in the 'mad-mental-purple with rage' corner........................Some guy who thinks he might just be Jesus, and some half-wits hell bent on trying to reason with him.
.........and so the Glaswegian public shrugged and headed home for their tea.
Friday, May 09, 2008
Standard issue Tommy Cooper. Better than 99% of what passes for comedy, both old and new. Tommy died in action many moons ago and by all accounts, liked a drink or two, possibly helping to edge him towards the trap-door a little before his time. The sad thing is that the mediocre hacks are nearly always teetotal non-smokers who go to the gym every day, thus living for fucking ever. Ben Elton, Graham Norton, Lenny Henry, Dawn French**, all about as funny as the plague, all still alive and all within reach of a TV studio and a fat cheque from Channel 4 and the BB fucking C, from which to torture us all with their vapid, insipid, miserably unimaginitive horseshit. Where's the justice in that?
**Yes, I know Dawn likes her Mars Bars, but her sheer lack of worth as an entertainer will keep her alive and bloated well into her eighties.
The Bosnia-Hertzegovina Eurovision entry I believe......
I strongly suggest you click on the clip and find some of the other gems uploaded by '45junkee'. This is just the tip of the distinctly off colour iceberg. Enjoy!
Wednesday, May 07, 2008
Tuesday, May 06, 2008
Monday, May 05, 2008
You have no idea how hard it is to find any Frankie Howerd stand up clips on Youtube. Instead, you'll just have to make do with a few scenes from 'Up Pompeii'. Single entendre's galore, with the 'Smut-O-Meter' well into the red.
One of the very best and a joy to watch.
Saturday, May 03, 2008
Blossom tree in the back garden
Ah, the charity bakesale. Nothing more gratifying than seeing the ruddy big sponge cake you brought in, the one you thought you'd have to take home again untouched, get scoffed by the hungry hordes. A special thanks to whoever brought in the iced ginger cake, went very nicely with the coffee.
New work shoes most definitely do not fucking rock.
I seem to have bought the same pair of shoes I had last year, in that they've taken a good few layers of skin off my heels. All I can wear now are my scabby trainers until the wounds heal. Diechmann Shoes are evil, but what can you do when you can't afford a decent pair of Chelsea Boots?
Office speak doesn't, has never and never will 'Rock'
My mother called today to 'touch base'. Eek! What's the world coming to when innocent sixty one year olds are using that sort of language? I gently corrected her, but I fear it may well be a popular phrase with the 'over fifty' crowd already. We're doomed! Doomed!!
Why was she calling me at work? Well, I haven't seen her in a fortnight for one. Quite rightly I felt like a total louse and resolved to go round and annoy my folks at the first opportunity. Since my mothers diagnosis, she's become a very different animal, and she gets a bit worried if she hasn't seen me in a while, something I can maybe be a tad insensitive to at times. Once she knew I was finally buggering off to my own place, her favourite cry was "I won't miss that!", usually in response to one of my less pleasing habits. Maybe I just got used to the notion that they were glad to be shot of me and would be happy to see me a couple of times a month. Illness changes things though and when someone tells you that your time on Earth is a little more finite than you had bargained for, you will want to see your offspring as often as is reasonably possible. Needless to say, chastened, I shall be round at least once a week to get under their feet and remind them of why they wanted shot of me in the first place................... =D
Thursday, May 01, 2008
It would also help if he had the balls to say what he thinks to my face, but then, that would involve having a spine and guts, something the said individual has never had, and nor will he at any future date.