I Am A Man Of Simple Pleasures...........

.........Like watching a sock puppet 'recite' Bukowski. It could be worse, it could be Bono..........

there is always that space there
just before they get to us
that space
that fine relaxer
the breather
while say
flopping on a bed
thinking of nothing
or say
pouring a glass of water from the
spigot
while entranced by
nothing

that
gentle pure
space

it's worth

centuries of
existence

say

just to scratch your neck
while looking out the window at
a bare branch

that space
there
before they get to us
ensures
that
when they do
they won't
get it all

ever.

charles bukowski

Surfs Up!

Apparently this was roughly around about the time Brian Wilson lost the plot and decided to go and live on another planet, in a constellation known to him and him alone. It seems the trauma of having to explain the lyrics of Van Dyke Parks and the weird new music he was making to the rest of the Beach Boys was taking it's toll. Still, lovely stuff at the old Joanna.........

On Todays Menu.........

Fuck!! My feet are killing me. Athletes foot in overdrive.............The itch that never dies. I've got powder for them, but I can never seem to stick to a programme of application and so the foot grinding continues.

Want a sniff.............?

Myspace has given me food for thought over the past week or so. First of all I got 'Phished', which means, for those of you who don't know and don't care, my password got nicked and my account was 'piggybacked' for the purposes of nefarious ringtone hawkery. Honestly, if they were advertising scud or sex aids I wouldn't mind, but ringtones???

Then I get a threatening message from some dick called 'Joe'. It runs as follows.........

"yo mumma sucks urs cock
u suck so much balls that ur mom gets jealos
hey four eyes saw u in town the other day
I KNOW WHERE U LIVE!!!"

Awww! I think he likes me! What scares me most is that 'Joe', bless his soul, has set up a myspace account, seemingly for the sole purpose of sending people abusive messages. It did cross my mind that it might be my brother, but he's funnier than that. Besides, he knows I'll set fire to his baws if he tries that pish on...............(puffs chest out, tries to look hard..........)

I can laugh about it now, but at the time it was terrible...............

The house is on it's way! I move in on 14th of September. Huzzah! Went to meet the lawyer on Wednesday and whilst waiting on him, got to see how a telephone switchboard ought to be operated. One woman, a million incoming calls and not the slightest slip or trace of stress. I did a bit of phone cover in my last job and to be honest, it had me pissing adrenaline...........I thought I was hard pressed if two people called at once. Six at once seemed to be no problem to this dame. Funny thing was, it all came back to me like a Vietnam Vet having a flashback and I started getting a bit jumpy and nervous for no real reason. It was hardly as if she was going to ask me to mind the switchboard while she went for a cuppa....................I was glad when the lawyer stuck his head round the door and saved me from the freakish countryside mags and the eternally ringing phone..............

I was going to end this post in the style of an eighties American sitcom, with a glib moral or lesson that can be learned from my experiences in the past week, but frankly I'm at a loss.............Any suggestions? Best one gets entered :HERE:

Balls To The Wall

Friday Night/Saturday Morning Youtube

July In Photos

Dawn Of The Dead: The Desk Jockey Years

That's it! I've hit the wall. I am no longer young and I need to sleep!

This little epiphany dawned on me today as I almost nodded out in the office. Eyes going fuzzy and feeling like lead weights, unable to move from page to screen and back again without concerted effort, they close briefly and suddenly gravity cracks me one on the back of the head and I'm heading face first for the keyboard. The shock snaps me out just in time and a little adrenalin rush perks me for another five minutes. I look around to see if anyone noticed (they hadn't) and made my way wearily back to the kitchen for more coffee.

I now realise I need to be asleep by 1amv at the latest, that I can't really drink too much on a school night and that buying pakora from the carry out at the bottom of the road at 2.15am is not really good idea. Theres nothing worse than admitting defeat, but there you are.............

Of course, in the old days I'd get leathered on cheap cider or rum miniatures, then happily do a six hour shift in a kitchen the following day. Piece of piss mate! Nowadays, it only takes a couple of shandies to make me feel a bit grubby next day. Also doesn't help that my life is that bit more sedentary now. The job occassionally calls for a bit of physical work, but more often than not I'm stuck at a PC, exercising nothing more than my right forefinger. I actually look forward to filing work. Means I'm out of the beady eyed glare of my boss and I'm able to move about and keep myself awake.

Sometimes I miss the 'pissing adrenalin' effect I got from my last job. Phone work means you're constantly on edge, as does working in a payroll office where everything has to be kept ahead of itself from week to week.

So, that's why I'm blogging now and not at 1am. I actually wanna get through tomorrow without having half a dozen narcoleptic episodes and have everyone think I'm on smack or something. Not that it matters I suppose. The new overlords look to be in Alan Sugar mode, firing people left, right and centre. Ok, technically they're 'laying people off', but that doesn't really fit in with the blatant pop culture reference, does it?

"You're Being Made Redundant!" just doesn't have the same ring to it.

Am I next? Who knows. They've layed off most of the IT dept in Glasgow and got rid of the cash room. It all points one way to me and I'm not pleased. The last fucking thing I need to be doing just now, about to move into a house and trying to get something approaching savings together, is to be looking over my shoulder and having to find a new job.

Cunts!

Ok, heres what's amusing me on the internet tonight.

Mustafio, he make me smile. So does Billy, the stuff about the Heathrow Airport expansion is eye-popping. Matt at Oblong Scone ponders the nature of door holding etiquette and religious zealotry, while professional smart arse Dan Allen hi-lights sports journalism cliches and wonders why nobody's used the headline "San Diego Padres molested the Twins" . Quite frankly, the standard of sports journalism is universally bad, but considering the fucking ludicrous names the Yanks give their sports teams, I'm quite astonished that nobody has given in to the temptation...........

Dan, we salute you!