Did they jump or did they just leave a banner asking a question none of us can answer?
Boy does it hurt.........
I became embroiled in something about ten months ago and, well, I'm still none the wiser to be honest. Maybe that's why it ended. I have a vague feeling I was meant to do certain things and act in certain ways, but it just never occurred to me. No surer way to destroy the illusion of love than acting all absent and detached. Funny old world. A prior relationship to this one ended because I lapsed into the 'desperate puppy dog' act. I got it the wrong fucking way around, didn't I? It seems that whatever the situation, I'll mis-read it and apply the wrong behaviour mode.
Of course, you might argue that acting like a lovesick goon just to keep an affair rolling is no way to be. Sure, but if I'd held myself together in the prior relationship, well, things might have been a bit different. Look, these things don't come along very often for me. I need to get them right first time..............
I don't mind admitting that I get pangs of regret now. Is it love when you feel regret? Is it love when you pine like the proverbial Norwegian Blue? Or is it just missing the tactile, the touch, the sheer contact? The lost boy looking eternally for assurance and validity?
Does anyone care?
Nah! and nor should you..........
So, to all who feed the machine with bunches of flowers that will be dead by Tuesday and cards that can never adequately express the things you feel and boxes of cheap chocolate to be half eaten and surreptitiously stuck in the bin, I say this..................
Take two days off work. If it helps to be around the 14th of February, fine! If not, then also fine. Fuck each other senseless, go to the pub, or the park, or whatever it is you both like doing (Bungee Scuba Diving, Naked Potholing, Transcribing Das Kapital into Swahili), come home, eat like gluttons, drink like fools.................etc
For the rest of you? It's not your day, sorry..........
The day they find and recognise the Patron Saint of Jilted Lovers, or the Patron Saint of Misanthropic Singletons, then sure, fill yr boots................
Until then, chin up, chest out and thank yr lucky stars you don't have some fucker stealing the sheets off you tonight.*
* Shit! Sorry, some people like that sort of stuff.........
4 comments:
I agree.
Having an inevitable box of unwanted chocolates and dust-traps is not the proper way to celebrate. Indulging in activities both like, is a much better way. I hope you're feeling better. Valentine's day sucks for those who are not completely partnered.
Valentines Day sucks anyway. If you need a hallmark celebration (Valentines Day, Mother's Day, Secretary's Day, Christmas etc. etc.) to remind you to appreciate your nearest and dearest then there is something wrong with you. But of course, I have absolutely no sense of fun whatsoever...
In fact I did not know Valentine's Day existed like 20 years ago. It was not a fashion to celebrate that day in Hungary at that time.
Was I already feeling love?
Hell yes of course.
Cocktails - Exactly what I'm getting at. Valentines is fine if you're sending cards to unsuspecting members of the opposite sex, but surely if you're in a relationship it should be immaterial. No?
Szelsofa - Apparently it's a 'Holiday' these days. Bullshit!............If you need to be reminded to love then you don't deserve to love in the first place. It's become a celebration of complacency and I will not fucking stand for it. Especially if I'm the one floating in space, wondering why I'm alone............
That's when it becomes a punch in the guts.........
Post a Comment