........and in the 'mad-mental-purple with rage' corner........................Some guy who thinks he might just be Jesus, and some half-wits hell bent on trying to reason with him.
.........and so the Glaswegian public shrugged and headed home for their tea.
Is it just me, or are bus drivers some the least pleasant members of the human race? I hate to tar a whole group of people with the same shitty brush, but I'm not in the mood to be conciliatory right now, having just had a brush with one of 'Glasgows Finest'............
So, there I am, making my way through town to get some Christmas shopping done. I stop at a pedestrian crossing and wait for the green man. In this instance, I forego the traditional Glasgow pastime of ignoring the lights and bolting across in front of approaching traffic, in favour of, well, staying alive..... Anyway, as I wait for the lights to change, a bus driver proceeds to commit what would, in any sane world, be a capital offence. He moves his bus into a space on the road and in the process straddles the crossing. I roll my eyes and think 'If that light changes, I'm going to have to walk round this fucker. If I can see the light through the bloody bus..............'
This thought takes about two seconds to cross my mind, but the fat bald cunt behind the wheel of the bus has seen me pulling a face and he's virtually chewing the dashboard with rage. Helpfully, he's pointing upwards at something, his cheeky wee face twisted with hate.........I look up and see a traffic light. Oh, I see............! He's pointing out to me that the pedestrian crossing signal is still red, and indeed he has the right of way. Not content that he's fully conveyed the gravity of the situation to me he rolls down the window and continues to verbally abuse me, for which I'm eternally indebted to him. How else would I have known just what a shit-witted and vile little gonad he really was............
I didn't get the licence plate, but with a little luck one of his passengers will report him for acting like an irate baboon whilst in charge of a motor vehicle. Failing that, I hope some wee shite on a scheme somewhere lobs a half brick through the cab window and gives him the lobotomy he so desperately needs.
Don't you just hate it when people start talking to you when you've got earphones in? What other indication that I do not wish to converse with you (or anyone for that matter) do you need? How fucking rude! Of course, plain old curiosity gets the better of me and I unplug for the slightly scruffy gent beside me. I'm resigned to the fact that he wants either loose change or directions, but no, he's got something rather more pressing in mind.
"What are we gonnae dae? The worlds gonnae end!!"
"Curl up in a ball and pray to Jesus?"
Ok, so I didn't say that. I shrugged and said "Cool!", put Iggy back on and wandered off............Bloody urban attention seekers.
There are a multitude of smart arse answers to the above question.
"Good, about fucking time!"
"Can it wait until I've had my tea?, I'm starvin"
"You can do what you want my good man, but I intend to spend what little time I have left masturbating. Now, if you'll excuse me......."
"We? Who's 'We'? You got a mouse in yer pocket?
"Could you not have told me that a week ago....?"
"I suggest we all get naked, gather in George Square and fuck like rabbits"
"No, they said sunny with light showers"
"You're a week late pal"
"Are you from the Digger?"
My favourite................
"Voluntad usted me dirige por favor terminal del tothe de los autobúses?"
You could always tell him to fuck off, but that would be rude............
.........and so the Glaswegian public shrugged and headed home for their tea.
