Showing posts with label Terry Kelly. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Terry Kelly. Show all posts

Friday, March 09, 2007

Hank, Put Out The Light When Yr Finished


Thought for the day. Does anyone have John Reid's number so I can text him and tell him to fuck off and get a job as a Rocksteady events steward? Or I could be blunt about it and tell the cunt to leave the country.......

Yes, I know it's old news, it's been at least 24 hours since that fart in the wind broke......

The iLL Man spits on topical relevance.


Say hello to these chaps, runners up in the British Eurovision heats (Northern Finals) 1979.




Not sure what became of them.....

Ok, not a lot else to be said, so I'll leave you in the hands of 'Mr Chinaski', thirteen years dead yesterday....


One For The Shoeshine Man

The balance is preserved by the snails climbing the
Santa Monica cliffs;
the luck is in walking down Western Avenue
and having the girls in a massage
parlor holler at you, "Hello Sweetie!"
the miracle is having 5 women in love
with you at the age of 55,
and the goodness is that you are only able
to love one of them.
the gift is having a daughter more gentle
than you are, whose laughter is finer
than yours.
the peace comes from driving a
blue 1967 Volks through the streets like a
teenager, radio tuned to The Host Who Loves You
Most, feeling the sun, feeling the solid hum
of the rebuilt motor
as you needle through traffic.
the grace is being able to like rock music,
symphony music, jazz . . .
anything that contains the original energy of
joy.

and the probability that returns
is the deep blue low
yourself flat upon yourself
within the guillotine walls
angry at the sound of the phone
or anybody's footsteps passing;
but the other probability--
the lilting high that always follows--
makes the girl at the checkstand in the
supermarket look like
Marilyn
like Jackie before they got her Harvard lover
like the girl in high school that we
all followed home.

there is that which helps you believe
in something else besides death:
somebody in a car approaching
on a street too narrow,
and he or she pulls aside to let you
by, or the old fighter Beau Jack
shining shoes
after blowing the entire bankroll
on parties
on women
on parasites,
humming, breathing on the leather,
working the rag
looking up and saying:
"what the hell, I had it for
while. that beats the
other."

I am bitter sometimes
but the taste has often been
sweet. it's only that I've
feared to say it. it's like
when your woman says,
"tell me you love me," and
you can't.

if you see me grinning from
my blue Volks
running a yellow light
driving straight into the sun
I will be locked in the
arms of a
crazy life
thinking of trapeze artists
of midgets with big cigars
of a Russian winter in the early 40's
of Chopin with his bag of Polish soil
of an old waitress bringing me an extra
cup of coffee and laughing
as she does so.

the best of you
I like more than you think.
the others don't count
except that they have fingers and heads
and some of them eyes
and most of them legs
and all of them
good and bad dreams
and way to go.

justice is everywhere and it's working
and the machine guns and frogs
and the hedges will tell you
so.


Charles Bukowski

Saturday, March 03, 2007

Guitar Shop Man


Evenin'

You'll have to forgive me, I've been trawling the depths of Councillor Terry 'Gumby' Kelly's blog and haven't been able to withdraw myself to attend to my own blogging duties. I think I'm becoming obsessed.....

Ok, now I'm here......

New guitar tonight. It was cheap, it was from Victor Morris, and the long hair that flogging it to me commented on how great it's pickups were.......

Lord almighty, it was sixty quid, did he think I was a moron? Don't answer that, of course he did. From the moment I walked in he had me down as the sort of gonk who wouldn't know a Fender from a Gibson. he was wrong of course, I found out the difference just last week, so there..................

Joking aside, I got into the very worst guitar shop situation possible. Instead of going for the whole "yeah yeah, whatever, I know it's a hunk of shit, I just want something that'll stay in tune" gambit, I allowed him to tune the fecker up for me, plug it in and let me play it in the shop.

Rule One Of Buying A Cheap Guitar: Just buy it, don't get into a situation where trainee Joe Satriani's can wank away for thirty seconds, then pass the ruddy thing to you with that "Ok, let's see what you can do" look on their face. There is a perfectly good reason why the frustrated bastards work for minimum wage selling leccy banjos. They lack any imagination and believe that their blues rock band, probably called something like 'Foxglove' are only one killer song away from being signed.
Anyway, the bugger looked at me in disbelief when I told him I'd done a few acoustic gigs and wanted to get back to playing electric. The reason for this was the fact that when he passed the guitar to me, I didn't pull out the requisite rock licks or at the very least play Smoke On The Water. Nope, I just fumbled a few chords, figured the thing worked ok and decided to buy it. I just don't believe he thought I had ever picked up a guitar before.

It's my fault, it's how I come across to people. I can bullshit my way through things I'm almost alien to, yet I can't convince some dork in a guitar shop that I do actually know what way up to hold a guitar.

I should of course have taken the approach I applied the last time I bought a guitar -

Assistant: Aye, it a nice guitar, well made, good sou....

Me: I'm just after something cheap to make a bit of noise on

Assistant: Do you want to try it?

Me: No


I got sucked in this time. Be forewarned, guitar shop blokes are failures, they will try anything to make you feel small and stupid.

The New Toy. Lovely........

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Kate Moss Responsible For Millions Of Cigarette Deaths: FACT!!!

Huzzah For Kate Moss!!!! Not content with horrifying the Lilly-white virgins of Fleet St by snorting coke and getting in tow with a crack head rock star, she's now turned her attentions to corrupting the female youth of Scotland. Or so the Scottish Health Minister Andy Kerr seems to think. More on this intellectual sub-normal in a bit.......... So, what's our Kate been doing to attract the scorn of Scotland's Health Nazi's? She's been smoking. Or more to the point, she's been photographed smoking in paparazzi shots splashed across celeb gossip mags. I mean, what a bitch! How can she be so callous as to light a fag in full knowledge that a camera might be present and might take her photograph and it might be published in Heat which might be read by a young Scottish teenager who might start smoking because "Kate does it". The notion that teenagers might have minds of their own is conveniently forgotten. The notion that teenagers(and anyone else for that matter) might smoke because they enjoy it is also not addressed. No, it's all one big game of follow the leader in Mr Kerr's mind. Simplistic Reasoning 101: Celebrities stop smoking in public = Teenagers no longer think smoking is "Cool" What I'd really like to tackle here though is not so much the smoking/anti-smoking debate, nor the alleged copy cat behaviour of a nation of nicotine addicted teens. No, I'd like to address and refute the notion that Kate Moss is in any way responsible for the actions of others through her cigarette consumption. This is where I have to question the Health Minister's reasoning and ultimately categorise it as infantile. As stated before, the whole "monkey see, monkey do" angle on this has been absurdly overblown. If the minister believes that a few celebs snapped with Harry Wraggs hanging from their gobs at 3am outside some trendy bar in London is the sole reason for 13-15 year olds in Scotland continuing to smoke then I do fear he's yet to recieve the grounding in real life that should be mandatory for all politicians. I don't trust these scrubbed clean zealots and their phony utopias, these middle management goons made good....... Everything is a bloody crusade. So, why do kids smoke? Theres a multitude of reasons and one of them isn't the odd blurry photo of a bored looking model going home from the pub. Try: peer pressure/desire to be apart from your peers/forbidden fruit/curiosity/teen rebellion/you quite enjoy them after a while..... Fuck! Heaven forbid anyone should actually like smoking!!! Just out of interest, One wonders what he's going to do about pissheads like me? Confiscate my Bukowski and Kinky Friedman books? Tell me to stop listening to bands who glamourise alcohol by going to the pub? Ban repeat showings of Father Ted?