Wednesday, October 29, 2008

What's New iLL Man?

Things that have been filling my admittedly tiny cranial cavity over the past week, causing mild flooding in the left ear and several nosebleeds................
i - What the fuck has happened to the speaking clock? There I am on Sunday morning, attempting to synchronise my alarm clock and I've got fucking 'Tinkerbell' squeaking away at me. I don't know what they've done with the well spoken bloke that usually does it. Is he on holiday? When is he back? I'm getting lonely here....................
ii - Made a cyclist stop at a traffic light yesterday. Nothing out of the ordinary in that, but hearing his cries of anguish as he was forced to apply the brakes and obey the rules of the road for once in his fuckwitted life was a rare pleasure. As I watched him approach the lights at something approaching 20mph, I could see the brief flicker of indecision on his face as he considered romping through the crossing. Rather cantankerously, he decided not to. Victory!!
iii - Some household tips. I have triumphed over the mildew currently infesting parts of my house. Well, not entirely, but leaving the bedroom window open in the evenings seems to have sorted the problems in that particular room. Also, re-open yr living room curtains before going to bed is helpful. Don't be conned into buying a de-humidifier folks....
iv - My last trip to the speedway was on Sunday there. I had heard tales from a friend at Ashfield about the female residents of Saracen Street in Possilpark and their thing for pyjamas as streetwear, but I only half believed it. I witnessed the phenomenon for the first time on Sunday afternoon. The look seems to be a Berghaus jacket, a pair of Primark silk-look patterned jammies, either slippers or a pair of trainers and a bag of stuff from the local mini-market. From what I've heard, it's also standard evening wear too..........
I just hope it doesn't catch on with the blokes and I get treated to the sight of fat tattooed lads in boxer shorts and curry stained vests and T-shirts.
v - It would seem that the Democratic candidate for the US presidency suffers a little from an identity crisis in the eyes of some voters. I understand entirely their confusion. For a very long time, I was labouring under the misapprehension that his name was Barry O'Bama and that he was of Irish descent.
You have no idea how glad I was when I found out this wasn't true...................(SATIRE!)
vi - A final thought for the Rangers fan at work who's got a massive chip on his shoulder about not being able to sing certain songs at the football:
The Famine Song is over
Why don't you sing something else................?
Winter Warmer No2 With Me Tonight - The Beach Boys from Smiley Smile

6 comments:

vavatch said...

I made a car driver stop at a light the other day. I could hear him revving his engine behind me, desperate to accelerate past on his Important Journey past the inconvenient annoying cyclist and get through amber/just red, but for once I made him obey the rules of the road by preventing him overtaking me dangerously and forcing him to stop. Victory!

Rob7534 said...

A sad victory indeed if crashing into your body is what it took to make them stop! Shame on you... BOTH!

Anyway, as a resident of the State of Illinois, from whence Obama cometh, you can imagine how shocked I was to see a black face smiling back at me the next day he was elected Senator. Oh the humanity! If only I had known! :)

Malc said...

I'd heard about the jammies thing too - it's like one of those dreams where you go to work in your dressing gown.

Last speedway meeting of the season always got me down - March seems a long way away. Mind you, not much to shout about at Ashfield or Monmore this year.

iLL Man said...

vavatch - That's all fine and well, but cyclists really do need to get a grip. Many of them ride and behave like arrogant, despicable cunts who think they're untouchable because they don't have an engine attached to their vehicle.

Rob - Quite right. Pair of silly sods..........

Malc - It's been a bummer, but there have been little hilights. Josh Grajczonek has been a revelation. I give him another two years in the PL, then he'll be playing with the big boys.

I put up speedway photos and clips from Ashfield at this blog:http://tigersatthetapes.blogspot.com/, if you fancy a look.

Anyway, hope you get to a meeting or two next season, and best of luck to the Wolves.

The Birdwatcher said...

Sorry but just as I was about to post my comment Mrs BW came in and asked me something. Now I have forgotten what it was I wanted to say and no amount of racking my brains can get me to remember what it was.

iLL Man said...

Aw! So you posted anyway! Wish more people did that.

If it was something to do with the topics in the post, I suppose a quick re-read might refresh the memory. Tell Mrs BW off for interrupting. I too retain information like stock market shares retain their value.