The next time some smug buffoon sidles up to you as you curse the opening heavens and tells you that "Theres no such thing as bad weather, just the wrong choice of clothing......", do me a favour, once you've finished sticking the head on them and take a few seconds to audibly curse the name of the man who originated the phrase.
Yes, your friend and mine............... Billy Connolly.
Now, I'm a fan of Mr C believe it or not. I like his acting work, I enjoy his stand-up, I can even bear to watch his slightly puffed up travelogues. It's when he waxes lyrical about the good old Scottish weather that I find myself reaching for my trusty blunderbuss......... Aye Billy, that's right, we should all rejoice at the pissing rain, gale force winds and hypothermia inducing cold, cos you know what? If it wisnae for yer wellies.......
Fuck that! Billy Connolly pissed off to LA when he got the chance, just like the rest of us would. I'm sure he'll tell you it wasn't for the weather, but it's a bit like a man saying he's not going to a brothel to get laid. He's fooling nobody. Of course, he's got his wee castle somewhere in Aberdeenshire now, so he can enjoy all that wonderful pissy weather safe in the knowledge that he needn't go out in it and get trench foot any time soon.
I, on the other hand need sunshine. Not endless days of blistering heat and clear blue skies.........that would be a bit silly. No, just some sunshine here and there. A half decent spring and summer please. I have to be honest, it feels like it's been one long winter since about April last year in Britain. The only difference is that it got a bit humid in the summer months. I can't think what's worse. Cold and wet or hot and wet? It's a rhetorical question, but those with mucky minds are free to divulge their preferences if they wish...........
Anyway, heres to January! Long may she stifle our souls, piss on our chips and strangle our bank accounts.
