Thursday, December 13, 2007

Turning Tricks In Chad


Boo!


Bet that scared ya! In accordance with my readers wishes (or those who chose to vote) I have lost the beard. For the time being at least. Larry's suggestion that I grow a Hitler tash was considered for a nano-second, but ultimately bowed to the practicalities of the job. As I needed a machete to get through it, I decided against any type of styling. I'm not ready to get fanmail from budding Unity Mitfords just yet............


Anyway, as I said, it was quite a job and it wasn't helped by the fact that the beard trimmer I had borrowed from my father was, unbeknownst to me, very low on battery power. It ground to a halt midway through one of the thicker parts of my beard, resulting in more than a little pain. I had visions of walking back up to the folks house with a half shaved face, looking like an escapee from a mental home to put the thing on charge. Or even worse, having to walk into a shop and shell out about seven quid for a new hand-held razor to finish the job.


I was rescued by an old and well used Gillette Mach III razor I had kicking about in the bathroom cabinet. After much face soaking and with a heavy heart, I set about hacking the rest of the beard off. I had expected the razor to be as effective as a rusty single blade Bic in the face of such a mountain of hair, but it stood up to the task valiantly, and now has pride of place in the cabinet for a few shaves yet.


You'll have noticed that I did 'the double' and got my head razored. Don't be alarmed by this, it's an annual occurance and you'll get used to it.


Finally, a warning to be heeded by all cabbies..............


So, a taxi driver bangs on about 'Paki's', 'darkies' and 'Chinks' . While I've never personally experienced it in Glasgow, the dribblings of middle aged or elderly men who drive cabs is the stuff of legend. I suppose if it stops them holding forth at will on any topic they've half understood to a captive audience, then I'd say 'fine and dandy!'


On the other hand, being arrested for having an opinion about something, no matter how ignorant and ridiculous is something that doesn't sit well with me. Why in the name of God could the occupants of the cab not have asked that he concentrate on the road and cease interrupting what was, after all, a private conversation? If they had actually bothered to challenge him on the subject(he claimed that all the school places were being 'taken by Paki's') ,instead of getting all pissy at his use of certain words (a semantic dead end which was exposed in court), they could probably have had him contradicting himself in about two minutes flat. I find it to be the way with most numpties.

What a waste of fucking time and money!

8 comments:

SzélsőFa said...

I've already got used to your lovely shaved scalp.
Did I just say lovely?
Oh my, I've got a husband!!!

But wait, his head is shaven too.

Now I understand.

iLL Man said...

I do realise most women prefer short hair on men, though it doesn't stop me turning into Chewbacca once or twice a year. I'm perverse, what can I say..........

Rob7534 said...

It saddens me that I have arrived too late to stop you from doing an awful disservice to this world. The shaving of your beard.

You have broken my heart!

And you de-linked me?!

iLL Man said...

You've been re-linked. I just thought you'd given up, and I was trying to whittle down the size of my link list a litle.

As for the beard, I'm afraid it had to go, sorry mate..........

ZinZin said...

Whats wrong with being a Gerry Adams impersonator?

iLL Man said...

Lots of things. Too many to mention here.

wohali said...

cheese is a kind of meat!

iLL Man said...

I Milk It From My Teat!