Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Spreadable Is It?

My arse it is! Spreadable butter it said on the packaging. The pieces of bread with great big fucking holes in them and wedges of unspread butter stuck to the sides say otherwise. It's just plain bloody butter. I wonder what they mean by spreadable? You can spread it on concrete slabs? It doesn't even spread on toast.................Gah! Most 'spreadable' butter is actually just fancy marg, hence the ease with which one can smear ones scones and cucumber sandwiches for afternoon tea with ones mother/vicar/drug dealer.............Butter on the other hand needs to be left out for about an hour before it gets close to being ready to be applied to anything less consistent than cardboard. Bunch of pricks! Talking of which..........(see what I did there? Clever eh?) The company I work for, as you may already have read in this journal are a right nosey bunch of buggers. They monitor your emails, they stop you accessing t'internets outside of lunchtime and in a final mad attempt to stop us all looking at anything remotely interesting they now seem to have rigged up a system whereby porn and violence are filtered and sites containing such things become out of bounds. Fine, i'm not fucking thick enough to go looking at porno-tube at work and i'm not really too fussed at missing out on 'WorldsWorstFatalRoadAccidents.com' Thing is, at least two sites on my blogroll have come up with a 'No Access' screen, the reason given being 'pornographic content'. Who are these filth mongers in our midst? Who are these amateur scud fiends? Step forward Binty McShae and Fat Sparrow. I shit ye not! Now, i'm sure theres a perfectly logical explanation to all this, but i'm fucked if i'm going to try and figure it out. That would be boring Far easier to conclude that somewhere in the back pages of these two unassuming blogs lie banks of filthy pictures and screeds of dirty stories. Thank fuck I haven't clicked on Old Knudsen at work......................

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

Glad I'm not the only one that gets enraged at BUTTER THAT WON'T SPREAD!

FlyingRodent said...

It's not even butter, it's "butter with vegetable oil".

If anyone can tell me how this differs from the standard definition of "margarine", I'll be glad to hear it.

Billy said...

I don't bother with butter (except for cooking) as it such a pain in the arse.

I thought margarine used animal fats?

matt lobster said...

Loads of people have been getting annoyed with butter recently. It's like the human-race has suddenly moved on and no longer has time for challenge of applying stuff to bread.

Clairwil said...

Bloody Hell Ill Man,
The trick is to buy proper butter and a nice ceramic butter dish. Keep it in a cool, dark cupboard. The fridge is too cold for our buttery friend.

ill man said...

Clairwil, Matt, very much agreed. I was just pissed off because it had been left in the fridge and the bread i'd cut to have with my fish and chips was now completely ruined.

What to blame?

Ah yes, the 'spreadable' butter.

("~)

Sandra said...

Clairwill: absolutely.
However, Em n' Ess have quite good spreadable butter in a plastic tub. No veg. oil and does akshully spread, unless your 'fridge is set to Permafrost.

Ill Man said...

To be honest, on the rare occassions I do buy proper butter, it does get left out. At least until my mother spots it and sticks it in the fridge.........("~)

Anonymous said...

shes a fuckni dirty bitch thats why lad, porn and shit all overthat webshite did you not see the closeups of her mine? i still fuckin see it when i close my eyes, nice bag gash

Old Knudsen said...

Butter is a distraction from the war in Iraq and yous are falling for it. I did an update on fat Sparrow's blog maybe my picture was too hot,on mine I did put up pictures of Mohammed, now i'm sitting back waiting for the censors so i can tell em to fuck off as i do to Haden everytime he comments

Binty McShae said...

I only just saw this... hilarious! Can't think of anything porno on my site... scantily clad Paris Hilton, but not nude... dildo picture in early post... maybe it's because I use the word 'cunt' a lot. If so you'll probably get blocked now because I used the word on your site!

ill man said...

So, that was you was it?

Grrr!