You Shall Go To The Ball Cinderella.................

Could I get a pair of size twelve boots today? Could I bollocks! What is it with shoe stores? Why do they have those rather lovely looking shoes in everything but my size? Are they mocking my enormous feet? As if to add insult to injury, they seem to be positively swimming in size elevens. Almost smug about the fact.

"Here sir, we have them in an eleven"

I try them on out of politeness mainly because they've been away for about five minutes no doubt rummaging about looking in vain for what I requested. Eventually I found what I wanted in Debenhams, lying forlornly in the reduced shoes rack which looked like it had been hit by a tornado. In a line up against the shoes I'd lusted over for the past two hours, they would barely have merited a mention, but they did come in a twelve and to be honest I was past caring, I just wanted a stylish yet robust boot for swanking about Amsterdam in the new year. So there.

Along the way I almost bought a pair of reduced Paul Smith zip up boots but of course they only had them in a.....................

You fill in the gap.

I also popped into House Of Fraser only to almost pass out at their prices. The cheapest pair was about £80. Schuh on the other hand made me very happy. They have some decent brothel creepers in again.

Anyway, more tales of woe from the Heart of Darkness that is Glasgow city centre at Christmas time tomorrow..................

Cheers!