Guitar Shop Man

Evenin'

You'll have to forgive me, I've been trawling the depths of Councillor Terry 'Gumby' Kelly's blog and haven't been able to withdraw myself to attend to my own blogging duties. I think I'm becoming obsessed.....

Ok, now I'm here......

New guitar tonight. It was cheap, it was from Victor Morris, and the long hair that flogging it to me commented on how great it's pickups were.......

Lord almighty, it was sixty quid, did he think I was a moron? Don't answer that, of course he did. From the moment I walked in he had me down as the sort of gonk who wouldn't know a Fender from a Gibson. he was wrong of course, I found out the difference just last week, so there..................

Joking aside, I got into the very worst guitar shop situation possible. Instead of going for the whole "yeah yeah, whatever, I know it's a hunk of shit, I just want something that'll stay in tune" gambit, I allowed him to tune the fecker up for me, plug it in and let me play it in the shop.

Rule One Of Buying A Cheap Guitar: Just buy it, don't get into a situation where trainee Joe Satriani's can wank away for thirty seconds, then pass the ruddy thing to you with that "Ok, let's see what you can do" look on their face. There is a perfectly good reason why the frustrated bastards work for minimum wage selling leccy banjos. They lack any imagination and believe that their blues rock band, probably called something like 'Foxglove' are only one killer song away from being signed.

Anyway, the bugger looked at me in disbelief when I told him I'd done a few acoustic gigs and wanted to get back to playing electric. The reason for this was the fact that when he passed the guitar to me, I didn't pull out the requisite rock licks or at the very least play Smoke On The Water. Nope, I just fumbled a few chords, figured the thing worked ok and decided to buy it. I just don't believe he thought I had ever picked up a guitar before.

It's my fault, it's how I come across to people. I can bullshit my way through things I'm almost alien to, yet I can't convince some dork in a guitar shop that I do actually know what way up to hold a guitar.

I should of course have taken the approach I applied the last time I bought a guitar -

Assistant: Aye, it a nice guitar, well made, good sou....

Me: I'm just after something cheap to make a bit of noise on

Assistant: Do you want to try it?

Me: No

I got sucked in this time. Be forewarned, guitar shop blokes are failures, they will try anything to make you feel small and stupid.

The New Toy. Lovely........