Saturday, December 08, 2007

Consenting Otters



It's never been my desire to pry beyond the banal day-to-day existances of people who work in the law racket. Lawyers, solicitors, para-legals, their lives have never exited or interested me in the slightest. Until now.............

On Thursday, I witnessed someone wandering obliviously around the office with a large, white streak of 'something' on his shirt, just at the shoulder. It looked like it had encrusted somewhat................. Far be it for me to suggest a possible explanation, but peurile, pornographic imaginations were exercised without mercy.
All very unfair it has to be said. Maybe he spilt cappucino on it (How do you spill cappucino on your shoulder? I believe an experiment would need to be done) Maybe it was just one of many house-hold spillages that go undetected...................
Neither of which provides an answer to the question "How did it get up there?"

I'll leave you with an idea that I believe could revolutionise the lives of every office worker in the land.

Do you like crisps?

Do you hate it when your fingers get all greasy from eating them and cover your mouse and keyboard in a shiny film of saturated fat and artificial flavourings?

Your woes could be at an end, for 'iLL Man Enterprises' is proud to bring you................

'Crisp Tongs'


Ok, so you'll look a bit of a tit using them, but I see a bright future for such a simple product.

Bye!

5 comments:

Cocktails said...

Good to see that you had a constructive Saturday night inventing crisp tongs (where's the fun in licking the salt off tongs after finishing a packet?)

By the looks of your poll, it seems that you should have been out buying razorblades instead...

iLL Man said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
iLL Man said...

Whilst I make every effort to keep my paws clean, I'm still not big on licking them. Besides, you still need to wipe them and they retain a sort of greasy feel regardless. As I said, I don't expect such a thing to catch on, it's just me being a prissy old tart.

As for the poll..........Indeed it does look like curtains for the face foliage. The clippers are being warmed up as I type this...........

Cocktails said...

Actually the tongs idea reminds me of the Seinfeld episode where Elaine's boss eats a Snickers bar with a knife and fork, then suddenly everyone is doing it. Perhaps you could try this as well...

iLL Man said...

Don't tempt me..........