Tuesday, February 19, 2008

How To Disappear Completely


None of you will be surprised to know that I both crave attention and like nothing more than being left alone. It's a real fucker, I tell thee. Oddly enough, I generally tend to have my requests for peace and quiet granted to me. In fact I rarely have to ask, which is nice..... It's a bit harder when I want everyone to look my way, so I suppose that's why I blog. Then I can combine the two disciplines. I can act the arse to a small group of people AND be left in peace to listen to music, tend to my plants, wash the dishes and play old Spectrum games on my PC.

Anyway, it came to my notice recently that the Inland Revenue have no idea that I'm working.

Woohoo!

Recently, the company I worked for was taken over* and since the tax bods were doing a wee audit on me anyway with regard to unpaid taxes (easy Duff, I'm still PAYE, I won't be sharing a cell with Lester Pigot and Ken Dodd just yet), it came to their notice that I was no longer working for Solicitor 'X' and for whatever reason, my new employers hadn't updated them on the chaos that they were about to unleash. You do realise it would have been months or years before they caught up with me had my dear old Ma not been residing at my previous address........

This leads me to my other disappearing act. Over the past few weeks, the whole Glasgow operation has been having it's email/operating systems changed over to those used by the new company. Quite apart from realising that we've actually gone back to the dark ages with regard to how Windows works (I swear, my old Commodore 64 was more user friendly), they've also been kind enough to fuck up my email so that all emails sent to the Glasgow offices in general avoid me, and me alone. 'Im also unable get in touch with anyone else, unless they happen to know my new email address. To all intents and purposes, I might as well not exist.........

So, there you have it, I'm 'The Man With No Name', 'The Outlaw', 'The Fugitive', 'The Black Rider'.............I shall bring the company to it's knees from within! The Silent Assasin will strike without mercy!

..........as long as it doesn't affect my holiday allocation of course.........


*Technically speaking, it was 'merged', but then technically speaking Guido Fawkes is a journalist.........


video


Spinny wind vane thingy at North Berwick.

5 comments:

Cocktails said...

God, I wish that would happen to me.

And I can't believe that you stood in the street for 1 minute 15 seconds filming a wind vane. Even more unbelievably, I actually watched it...

ZinZin said...

Doddy was cleared of tax evasion. He got away with it by claiming he was scared of banks, and bringing forth witness after witness to tell the jury that he was a very nice man who did a lot of charity work. A scouse jury helped as well.

He still had to pay 800,000 to the tax man.

Can you rely on a glasgow jury? or witness after witness to tell the court what an upstanding fellow you are? Can you can you really?

iLL Man said...

Cocktails - I have you in my snare! From what I remember, the reason for filming it was that when I pointed my camera at it, it looked like it wasn't moving, when it was in fact going like the clappers. I'm still fiddling about with the Blogger video option, so bear with me on the random film clips.

Zinzin - "Can you rely on a glasgow jury? or witness after witness to tell the court what an upstanding fellow you are? Can you can you really?"
Can I hell! It's ok, they just take it out of some sort of allowance you stored up. Not 100% sure how it works to be honest, but I'll take their word for it.

ZinZin said...

If comes to that, I will put in a good word for you.

iLL Man said...

Cheers mate!