Desert Island Blogs

All bloggers have lists of other bloggers in their sidebars; blogs you love, blogs you hate (but visit anyway, prodding away at them like sore teeth), and blogs you merely 'quite like'. Blogs you visited once in 1973, blogs who showed up on your tracker, blogs you want to like, blogs who you want to like you. Blogs that make you laugh, blogs that make you sick, blogs that make you feel old before your time, blogs that appear and disappear like Brigadoon, blogs that once linked you and now no longer do, but you're too proud to remove their link..................... Besides, you need the friends.........

Imagine for a moment, that you were only allowed to show three links to other blogs at any one time (I'm thinking of THIS but taken to it's illogical conclusion)

Simply put, what three blogs do you go to first when you log on and access your site/aggregator?

Do You Remember The First Time?

............The first time you blogged I mean..................

I do. It was a damp Saturday afternoon in September and I was bored titless. My friend Clairwil had started one, but I'd sort of poo-pooed the notion of writing about myself online. What kind of self absorbed dipstick would go for such a thing? Of course, I didn't say this to Clairwil at the time, fearing a bloody nose and a pint over my head, but on reading her stuff, I began to change my mind. It all looked quite good fun, if you could get over the fact that for the first few months, you would essentially be talking to yourself. Well, since talking to myself is a long standing and ingrained defence mechanism that helps me make sense of the world, I realised it wouldn't make any difference. It couldn't hurt to give it a try.

So, in the space of an hour, I'd thrown up this here blog. Not as you see it now of course (I've decorated since then), but since the quality of writing has only advanced marginally since back in 2005, I'd say it's the same entity it was when I started.

Anyway, heres my first ever proper blog post:

Late Call

It's been a good day. My team won and probably due to an unusual chemical blance in my brain at this moment in time, i'm in a great mood.


A few things regarding Kate Moss and her recent tribulations.

Kate, yr alright. Yr a bit F**ked up, but i've seen worse.......

The cant and hypocrisy of the tabloid vermin is vomit inducing. A great man once said "Before a metropolitan daily exposes an evil, it takes it's own pulse" Your average tabloid hack is either an alky or a cokehead. Usually both.

The thing that had me laughing like a moron was the explanation for the benefit of Sun readers that cocaine use was rife in the fashion world. There it was, in language a 7yr old would regard as insulting, telling their readership something that Ab-Fab made jokes out of about eight years ago.......................something that has always been. By this reasoning, I had assumed Kate Moss was a regular consumer of the stuff anyway........................

Ok, maybe it's a ploy to justify the extra few chapters the publisher wants her to add to her biography. Even so, as an exercise in demonisation, it stands as something of a classic.

Nice to see that Hurricane Rita(Can't wait for Mavis and Derek) didnt cause as much damage as Katrina, but then, New Orleans will be a bit of a mess again as it's just along the coast from the hurricane's landfall.

Anyway, bye for now

So, there you have it. A rant about the tabloids, some insignificant detail about my weekend and an appallingly weak joke, shoe-horned into an inconclusive comment about the hurricanes hitting the US at the time. Who could have known what it would all lead to................... :(

Right! I've shown you mine, you show me yours................ ("~)

View From My Desk At Work/Economic Models Explained With Cows

On a good day, the blue sky and the jet trails and the cloud forms and the sunlight on the glass buildings all seem to bring a little more energy to my movement. The traffic and the motorway and the noise can all go fuck themselves......

If it's chucking it down, if it's grey and foreboding, then it's no better than any other view in the office and I have to turn to double heaps of Nescafe to stop me crashing out on the keyboard.....

Guess what I'm more used to doing? Just have me potted and have done with it.

In other news....

That's Bock The Robber away over to Wordpress. Hell mend him.........I never seem to go a week without someone grumbling about leaving Blogger....Am I the only one who's not had problems with Blogger since it changed? People who were on Blogger pre-Beta will tell you how awful it could be. The amount of times I almost lost my mind with rage just because the stupid fucker wouldn't upload a photo or two..........Seven Days would be impossible without the beta version. That said, as long as everything works, I'm easy pleased. I'm led to believe that an 'all singing, all dancing' Wordpress site is vastly superior.

Anyway, I'm just bitchin because I have to to re-link. Och!

Someone sent me this at work today. It's probably fairly old to a lot of you, but it made my day.

Economic Models explained with Cows- 2007 update

SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour.

COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the
milk away...

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.

SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.

ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM
You have two cows.

You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of
credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a
debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all
four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.

The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a
Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who
sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The
annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one
more.

You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving
youwith nine cows.

No balance sheet provided with the release.

The public then buys your bull.


THE ANDERSEN MODEL
You have two cows.
You shred them.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want
three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.

You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and
produce twenty times the milk.

You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market
it worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and
milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.


AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your
country.

You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy....

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

More suggestions welcomed.............