Feel The Pain

I thought I was getting it easy when I volunteered to play in goals for the office five-a-side team. "Piece of piss" I thought. Stand about, dive around a little, catch the ball every so often.............. My problem is that instead of making minimal effort, I throw myself into most activities, even if I'm shit at them. The physical consequences of this full on effort began to manifest themselves almost immediately after the game, but it wasn't until this morning that I felt the full agony. I felt like I had somebody elses legs on, and just about every muscle in my body was screaming at the slightest movement. Lack of fitness, not warming up properly, not taking a hot bath when I got home....................... Kneeling down is agony and getting in and out of a sitting position is at the very least uncomfortable. What have I done to myself?!! Still, I was better than I thought I'd be. I only let in about fifteen goals. Bloody defenders gave me no protection.

Summer Here Kids

Songs of Summer No1: Radio - Teenage Fanclub


I'd almost forgotten what a long spell of decent weather is like, considering we didn't have any at all last year.......... Summer has landed and I dare anyone not to have noticed.............. Ok, it's corny as hell, but theres nothing better than coming home from work, opening the kitchen window, turning the radio on, making dinner and slugging a very cold beer as you go. Watching the sun go down behind the flats across the way is just an added bonus. Living in a big old ground floor tennement for so long, I sort of missed the freedom to open a back door and catch what's left of the day at my own leisure.

The next project will be to gut the planting boxes out in the back garden, fill them up with fresh soil and seriously think about something to plant. Yes, I do realised I've just jinxed the weather for the next two months, so enjoy it while you can!

Ok, I'm off to recover. I swear, I'm never playing football again!

Riding The Psychic Wall Of Death

Happy New Year everyone!

Just popping in to mention a new blog I've started. It's got the rather unwieldy name of 'The Amazing One Man Brake Club'. It's about going to watch football in strange places and it's still a work in progress. It replaces 'Derelict', which I had neither the time nor inclination to keep up to date. Sorry if anyone was attached to it in any way.................

I have a fair few sets of photos from may footballing travels over the past few years, so I'll be posting them up until the good weather comes in and I can get out and about.

Cheers!

p.s. Here is the definition of 'Brake Club' . No, I don't travel to matches in that fashion, though I think it would be a great drunken laugh if someone was to try and revive it.........

Checking On My Flock

Just a quick post tonight. My life looks like it might just be settling down into something approaching a routine and the last step is to get hooked up to broadband after the 'Virgin Saga'. Then you'll be seeing a lot more of my ugly mush.

Condolences to the Scottish National Team who fell heroically at the final hurdle. A couple of defensive lapses, a few missed opportunities and a linesman with a lovely new Ferrari in his garage this morning......... I missed the game due to the fact that the world and it's fucking wife wanted to see it and just about every pub in the city centre was rammed. If I'd gone into town early on I'd have found a pub, but somehow the idea didn't appeal to me. I went to Lochburn Park and took some photos of the Clydebank v Maryhill game instead. After that, I hung about at the folks place, then went home, made my tea and washed the dishes. Ach well, if it worked for Denis Law..................

Looks like we will be playing England next year after all. 2-0 down to Croatia at half time. Wonder who they've got lined up to replace McLaren? Mike Bassett?

Toast

Was Hippocrates a season ticket holder at Cathkin? Stone memorial hidden away at the back of the terracing.

It's always nice to get aquainted with the appliances in ones new home. The Hoover, the washing machine, the cooker and the central heating. Oh, and the smoke alarm............

It was Sunday morning (ok, it was 1pm, but that's still the morning as far as I'm concerned.) and I'dstuck some toast on. I absently wandered through to the living room and stuck the tv on, only to become slightly transfixed by the hypnotic drone of the F1 car racing. God! I miss Murray Walker. The only man in the world that could make watching paint dry sound exciting. Instead we have a couple of inane public schoolboys to add to the tedium of watching 24 men driving round in circles for an hour and a half.

.........but I digress. It was around this point the bloody smoke alarm went off and I realised I'd burnt me toast. Thankfully nothing was on fire, but what to do about the infernal racket the alarm was making. I opened doors/windows to let the smoke out, but to no avail. I then tried holding the button on the alarm casing. Still nothing. next I unscrewed the casing and tried to wrench the battery out, only to find it was connected to the mains and any further tampering could see me doing a rather entertaining 'St Vitus Dance' atop a set of wobbly metal ladders. The next few hours are too tedious to go into, but by the time I'd asked the chap upstairs to give me a hand getting the battery out (I'm such a gurl!) and the girl next door had stuck her head in and wished me luck and little else, my nerves (and hearing) were more than a little frayed.

Anyway, my knowledge of household systems is a little clearer now I suppose, but I haven't made another slice of toast since............

Taking the nets down. All part of yr duty as a Thirds player.

Ok. Some links. Third Lanark AC have a wee site up. It's not too flash but it does tell you when they're playing. It's free, you get to watch the game from the terracing of what was once known as Hampden Park (back in the mists of time), and more recently was the home of the last club to go out of business in Scotland, the original Third Lanark AC . It is just amateur football that gets played at Cathkin Park today, but the last time I went to see them, I came away wondering why I bothered going to Firhill at all. The video of the game can be found here. Mud, meaty tackles, loads of goals and some nice football, just ignore the naff Star Wars theme they've tacked onto the video in post production. Furthermore, if you watch between 7.31 and 7.46 you'll see my lanky frame descending the terrace steps behind the player being interviewed. Yes, I am an old buffer..........

Acrobatics in the penalty area
Panoramic view of Cathkin Park

"Haw! This Yin's Takin A Photie Of His Pie!!"

Apparently that's what the old lad in the cap and dirty raincoat standing by the red railing in the photo above thought I was doing. Alas, it wasn't the case. It's a tempting notion, but somehow I don't think theres much call for photographs of meat savoury products, no matter how good they are. I think the confusion came about because he saw me holding the camera downwards to look at the back-screen. The pie was in the other hand and it must have looked like I was going for a close-up on my lunch. Silly old buffer!

Still, it's not his fault, they just got colour tv in Kirkintilloch a month ago, digital cameras are bound to be a bit confusing...................*

The iLL Man is available to be lynched by people from small towns on most weekday nights, except Fridays. Thankyou.


*Just kidding. It was the internet they got last month. They've had colour tv since March.....

I've Got God In My Earpiece And He Sounds Like Private Fraser

via Seven Days

Just back from the football and I've suddenly remembered one of the reasons I'd stopped going. It was like having Statler and Waldorf from the Muppets behind me. Grizzling, moany faced old cunts.............

They were actually correct in a few of their observations, but their unrelenting dourness had me wishing I'd brought a gun with me.

I shouldn't moan, it only cost me a fiver......

One Mustn't Mock The Afflicted.......

Danny Dyer is a twat and this is a genius piss take. All hail!!

'Avin It!!