You Fucking Liar!

Came home last night to find someone had set the back court on fire. A vast improvement if you ask me...........

Apparently we're all gagging for ID cards. Has Jacqui Smith been in at the booze cabinet ? Seriously, there are two possibilities here. She's either been canvassing the opinions of twelve year olds, or the people she claims to have been accosted by, the ones telling her they can't wait to get retina scans and have their private information left on public transport, are mere figments of her imagination.

On a less peevish note, my latest Photoblog concluded yesterday. Seasons1: Autumn can now be viewed in all it's modest glory.

Ok, I'm off to put a pillow over my head and bellow every last ounce of rage out of my body. It's the only rational response to your internet connection dying on you once an hour.

Winter Warmer No3 The Handsome Family:- The Giant of Illinois

Haw Pal! I Hope Yer Next Shite's A Hedgehog

On the whole I don't have a huge problem with the human race. A frustrating bunch, yes, but in the words of Douglas Adams, 'Mostly Harmless'. Of course, there are exceptions and I bumped into one today.

It happened on the way back from the football. I crossed a road and as I reached the other side, some old lad and his dogs were walking down to the same bit of pavement as me. I stepped onto the pavement and he halted just to my left. I murmured an apology, as you do when you think you've got in someones way slightly. As I walked off, he called out at me.

"Is it raining?"

It was raining, but I thought nothing of it. Again he called out.

"Aye,it's hard tae see in the rain wi glasses on, i'nt it?"

I looked round at him in askance then continued walking. He was an old jake in a cap and wearing tinted glasses. The irony of his words weren't lost on me. Just before he turned up another street he called out something crude about the umbrella I was carrying, something about a 'Dolly Brolly'. Maybe he was jealous of it, I don't know...........

What got me was that there was absolutely no call for the outburst. I had done nothing more than walk past the stupid old cunt, but there he is, haranguing me in the street. See, that's when I find the human race intolerable. I can't stand bad manners, intentional rudeness. Sure, people can do things that annoy you, but most of the time it's unintentional, most of us understand this issue and simply mutter a few oaths under our breaths and get on with it. Rest assured though, there are always pricks like the 'gent' I encountered today who act like aggressive little fuckers at the slightest provocation, regardless of what age they are.

Round 'em up and send 'em off for 're-programming'...............

Toast

Was Hippocrates a season ticket holder at Cathkin? Stone memorial hidden away at the back of the terracing.

It's always nice to get aquainted with the appliances in ones new home. The Hoover, the washing machine, the cooker and the central heating. Oh, and the smoke alarm............

It was Sunday morning (ok, it was 1pm, but that's still the morning as far as I'm concerned.) and I'dstuck some toast on. I absently wandered through to the living room and stuck the tv on, only to become slightly transfixed by the hypnotic drone of the F1 car racing. God! I miss Murray Walker. The only man in the world that could make watching paint dry sound exciting. Instead we have a couple of inane public schoolboys to add to the tedium of watching 24 men driving round in circles for an hour and a half.

.........but I digress. It was around this point the bloody smoke alarm went off and I realised I'd burnt me toast. Thankfully nothing was on fire, but what to do about the infernal racket the alarm was making. I opened doors/windows to let the smoke out, but to no avail. I then tried holding the button on the alarm casing. Still nothing. next I unscrewed the casing and tried to wrench the battery out, only to find it was connected to the mains and any further tampering could see me doing a rather entertaining 'St Vitus Dance' atop a set of wobbly metal ladders. The next few hours are too tedious to go into, but by the time I'd asked the chap upstairs to give me a hand getting the battery out (I'm such a gurl!) and the girl next door had stuck her head in and wished me luck and little else, my nerves (and hearing) were more than a little frayed.

Anyway, my knowledge of household systems is a little clearer now I suppose, but I haven't made another slice of toast since............

Taking the nets down. All part of yr duty as a Thirds player.

Ok. Some links. Third Lanark AC have a wee site up. It's not too flash but it does tell you when they're playing. It's free, you get to watch the game from the terracing of what was once known as Hampden Park (back in the mists of time), and more recently was the home of the last club to go out of business in Scotland, the original Third Lanark AC . It is just amateur football that gets played at Cathkin Park today, but the last time I went to see them, I came away wondering why I bothered going to Firhill at all. The video of the game can be found here. Mud, meaty tackles, loads of goals and some nice football, just ignore the naff Star Wars theme they've tacked onto the video in post production. Furthermore, if you watch between 7.31 and 7.46 you'll see my lanky frame descending the terrace steps behind the player being interviewed. Yes, I am an old buffer..........

Acrobatics in the penalty area
Panoramic view of Cathkin Park

The Horror! The Horror!

Here are a selection of things that made me want to pull my brain out through my nose with a fishhook.

Get Gwen Stefani's Stunning Celebrity Look - "So Much More Than A Popstar" (gag!)

Watch a brilliant performance from James Blunt in concert. - Dinner loss guaranteed

Wendy reports to the headmaster - The art of grovelling taken to new heights.

Dutch Moped Fetishist - I actually quite like this guy. The bit where Anarchy In The UK comes on is priceless........

Whingeing Cyclists - Don't get me started!!! Try obeying the laws of the road before you get all uppity and superior about yr carbon arse print and how hard done by you are by evil motorists.

I shall be back on Thursday with something proper to read.