Thursday, November 03, 2005

Oh Sweet JESUS!!!!

What is wrong with people? Have you ever clicked that little button at the top right hand corner of the blog you happen to be reading? The one that takes you to the "Next Blog"? Of course you have, but you only made it as far as six or seven blogs along the line before you lost the will to live and went back to the online poker page or went looking for some porn. I've just spent about half an hour raking through peoples blogs. Why? Don't ask, you might just get an answer.................. It's not the multitude of Spanish and Scandinavian language blogs that annoyed me(just my inability to understand them), nor the tedious yank Republican/Democrat activist blogs that define new standards in black and white thinking. It's not the god fearers or the home bakery nuts or the people who detail every dull incident that ever happened to them every day............No, the blogs that had me cursing my very existance were the ones written by offensively dull thirty somethings with children, documenting................THEIR CHILDREN!!!!! Have these people any idea how eye wateringly tedious a blog about them, their lives and their children are to anyone other than the mentally enfeebled and their elderly relatives. They are the 21st century equivelent of that couple you or your parents met on holiday one year and who proceeded to send you an annual newsletter detailing whatever zany antics they had got up to in the six months since you had the misfortune to make their aquaintance. How we all wished they would just send an annonymous looking christmas card. It would have got wall space, unlike the newsletter which went straight in the fucking bin.............................. All of which makes my humble little blog look rather amusing and enjoyable. Maybe shite blogs have a purpose after all................

8 comments:

Clairwil said...

You are right. I fucking hate tedious stories about other peoples fucking pointless children. Why on earth do they take valuable space on the interweb prattling on and endlessley on about their fucking brats?

ill man said...

It's because they believe the universe revolves around the mewling, ugly, selfish little brute. I also blame digital cameras. Where once these people would have taken photos of their sprogs and bored their neighbours/relatives/friends with them, they now have the chance to ensure thousands of people get to know just how happy and smug they are.

alan said...

pets are worse, especially puppies.

Clairwil said...

Oh Alan, pets are marvellous. Far better than any child. I nearly strangled my cousins child for rolling over one my mothers cherished cats. No one has ever made me hold a pet in my arms and say I approve of abortion or ask if it made me feel broody. See! pets are the babys that you can coo at and mean it.

ill man said...

I only object to people who make blogs about them and pretend it's Dave the dog or Fred the cat or Derek the hamster thats writing the blog and put everything in quote marks. The tedious, mentally ill fuckers.

That said, I miss my cat. It's not too bad, but at least once a week I think about him, or the fact he's not there anymore.

Shit.

alan said...

i like pets too, but it's when people blog about them excessively ...

alan said...

or did i mean obsessively? or both?

PROFESSOR SMILE said...

Well, this is a groovy little post in what seems an interestingly frank and lively wee blog. Great. Carry on.
You know that couple met on holiday, probably in Mallorca? (In the early days, before the Canaries) First to get a computer, weren't they. And they got the printer right from Day 1. So they're the first to learn how to churn out hundreds of these Annual Family Reports, for inclusion with Christmas-Time Cards, each of course personalised, since the computer inserts the name on each of one person in the mailing list. And they addres the envelopes with sticky labels that go through the computer printer,while you and I are still wondering about upgrade from Spectrum 48K to SinclairQL (the Quantum Leap!)
The mistake was that we all (especially my Old Mum) handwrote personal thank you notes for all this information about spoiled brats we'd never actually meet. That's what encouraged them to insert pictures in next year's report.
What really gets on my teats is the doting mother....and wimpy green vegan allerophobic FOE father get all excited about how the little god-king or goddette mis-name things they see. Even worse is aforementioned father keeping a handritten diary for the baby, from the day of birth, IN THE FIRST PERSON
and writing crap like "Mummy didn't notice when I kept turning away from the nipple, but Daddy was quick to spot I am allergic to human and animal milk and when he got the bottle of lovely soya milk I slurped it happily. I am so glad Daddy is so sensitive." Ach, let me tell you, I rescued the little nipper just by providing an alternative way of looking at life (and I chucked the Diary in the fire. Sorry to have digressed. Enjoyed reading your unusual blog so far! : )