Sunday, May 28, 2006

Aw Fuck, It's Back

Jezza, A hero to millions.......................... I had become quite used to my sunday evenings being serene affairs in the tv stakes. I don't watch much tv as it is, but as things stood, sunday was as good a night as any for a bit of telly. No soaps to studiously avoid and only the unfathomably popular Heartbeat to be given a bodyswerve. Theres usually some serenely dull documentary on, a film or two maybe. If yr very lucky a bit of comedy. Nice. Not so tonight. Flicking the tv on after dinner I was met by the voice of the worlds most annoying man. No, not Michael Winner, but it's a good call....... Yes, Top Fucking Gear is back. Dull men getting erections over cars nobody could ever hope to afford basically. The worst part of it is, if that was all it was I wouldn't have a problem. Theres nothing intrinsically wrong with drooling over the latest Ferrari or Lamborghini, should that be your bag. Many men seem to be genetically programmed to do so. What really tits me off about the show though is the fact that all three of it's presenters fancy themselves as stand up comedians. Oh lord, save us do. Save us from the short arse who shouts all the time and talks in EXCLAMATION MARKS!!!!!!!!!!!!. Save us from the public schoolboy who looks, sounds and probably smells like every pub bore you've ever had the misfortune to meet. Save us finally from 'Jezza'. Every time this spaz faced tit gurgles with smug self satisfaction about the cars he's owned, or brays like wounded animal when he does a skid thingie in a car I not only feel like punching the carpet headed cunt's head clean off, I also feel like punching myself for actually wasting even five minutes of my life on such mediocre guff. Bring back the old Top Gear I say. Beard wearing middle aged blokes, properly observed speed limits, Morris Marina's and driving gloves. Lovely.

7 comments:

Billy said...

I hate Top Gear. Cars confuse me at the best of times but the idea of a programme about them seems stupid.
I once read that denim sales had fallen because people don't want to look like clarkson.

ill man said...

That's a bit unfair on denim.........To look remotely like Clarkson you would have to send your mum to C&A to buy some 'casual gear', proceed to tuck your shirt into your stonewashed jeans and wear a dress jacket over the top. Voila! The 'middle aged spud' look is yours...............

Yech!! To think i'm halfway there myself............... =(

matt lobster said...

I quite like Top Gear but have no interest in cars. I even think the presenters are funny. Does that make me wrong? I feel like I should apologise... so...... sorry.

"A little twiddle of this thing they've decided to call a gear stick/ foot down on the accelerator.....And WE'RE GOING BACKWARDS!"

ill man said...

It's the the tv equivelent of nails down a blackboard to me i'm afraid. No need to apologise though. Each to their own and all that bolocks............

Binty McShae said...

I can say only one thing. That man is the epitomy of cuntness.

ill man said...

Not as big a cunt as Michael Winner Binty, but he runs the porky little fucker close.

Anonymous said...

can't de arsed creating an acunt just googled glasgow fuckit and had a hit!!!! but from a pissed soap dodger in oz, fuck the plumy mouthed pomy cunt.....naw that's wrong. the show has it's moments, try watching ozy tv for a while and you'll end up typing pish like this. awe fuckit time tae go.