Shingles Is So Last Wednesday Afternoon..............

I've actually been malingering my way towards a return to work for about three days now..... A week and a half of hot water bottles, waking up feeling like i'd been set on fire and trying not to look at the scaley rash that appeared on my abdomen................ Of course, now there isn't a dvd in my collection I haven't watched. Twice. I did buy factotum (good, but the book's better) and I found Bubba Ho-Tep (genius), but theres only so many times you can watch Vic & Bob or Futurama before you lose the will to live. The pox that is daytime tv also did it's best to send me insane. If I was in charge of daytime tv, i'd simply show back to back Columbo's or Rockford Files, maybe some brilliant old movies like Grand Prix, Some Like It Hot, Kind Hearts & Coronets, The Dambusters etc, topped off with old Top Of The Pops re-runs. The day I decide I want to watch people clear out the worthless tat from their loft and sell it at a carboot sale is the day I find a sharp stick and gouge my eyes out. Or at least get someone to do it for me. Fuckers!!! I've also become something of an officianado of the hot water bottle. I started the week with one which was losing it's inside lining every time I emptied it. I now have three of the buggers. One of them is a strange fabric covered gel pack that you put in the microwave. Most convenient. Also mildly disturbing. Next week I shall bring you a consumer report on fluffy slippers and an 'Ovaltine vs Horlicks Hot Bedtime Beverage Road Test'. The way I see it, I'm just getting the practice in for when I become an old cunt.