World Cup Hell

Been watching ITV's stab at World Cup build up over the past week or so(ITV 11-12pm weekday nights). It's called World Cup Heaven And Hell. A fine title as watching it is as close as you get to simultaneous misery and joy as i've experienced in a tv show. I'm a glutton for old World Cup footage to be honest but the 'talking head' element of the programme left me cold. Very Cold. Top prize goes to the guy with the comedy coker knee accent(Miff something-or-other) He has to be the biggest arsehole I have never met. What a goon. You absolute fucking travesty. You complete cunt. You London media whore 'just discovered football half an hour ago and went to see West Ham once' prickbag. I hope you die quite soon. The rest were the usual array of failed comedians(Ricky Fucking Grover, Jesus!!!) and poor quality hacks using funny voices, heavy handed sarcasm and scripted wisecracks to make late bids for media icon status and half hearted attempts at resurrecting their flagging careers as 'amusement engineers' . The sad fucking bastards. A comedy Kraut was even flown in to accentuate the Germanophobia(is that a fucking word or what?) of which there was copious amounts. Fuck me!! Us sweaty socks are being told by the racial equality people not to use the World Cup as an excuse to exercise anti English sentiments and then you watch shite like that...........................I ask you? 'Oh, but it's all in fun' they say, 'we don't really mean it' Neither do we............................not much.... Wouldn't mind if the gags were funny but they weren't. After every painfully laboured joke I half expected the 'boom-tish' sound of the bored house band drummer to underline each meagre excuse for a punchline. It was so bad that the funniest line of tonight's show fell to rubbish Scottish comic Andy Cameron with a gag about a shop in Dundee selling copies of his 1978 World Cup record after the finals for 1p with a free hammer to smash the thing. In an ideal world, the airing of this show should see to it that very few of these pricks will ever work in the media again. Instead I fear we may be in for another series of 'Orrible' and the proliferation of mouthy barrow boy wannabees in the sports pages of our daily papers. There were a few exceptions. Bob Mills, despite his heavy handed sarcasm chipped in with something approaching genuine insight from time to time. Paul Tonkinson likewise. The star of the show was the chap with the giant quiff and the blazer. Cohen I think his name was. Made a few spurious deductions throughout, but at least seemed to be on talking terms with rational thought. Small mercies and all that. That leaves the real star of the show, the footage............ The amazing goals, the abysmal tackles, the cheats, the scandals, the pictures of Ally McLeod having a nervous breakdown....................... Who needs the 'wry and comedic insights' when you have the bare and sometimes rather lunatic facts to speak for themselves.