I HATE The One Show!
Yes, in letters that big. I'm not the only one either.........
Unlike the soaps, which are on just late enough for me to be able to sit at the PC in peace, The One Show is invariably on when I pop round to the folks to use the PC. So it's on in the background, and like most pointless froth, it seems to have the aggravating effect of not allowing me to concentrate on other things. Put something on involving wildlife, science or archeology and I'll merrily ignore it for it's duration. On the other hand, any flavour of mental chewing gum and it's like toothache, you simply cannot ignore it and you're left with no option but to prod it a bit and make it worse. One could argue, I suppose, that what early evening television has been screaming out for for years is a sort of update on the old Nationwide format, though this isn't it. Of course, what I really mean by 'update' is to cross Pebble Mill at One, with Watchdog to get a sort of Blue Peter for grown-ups. The tone is distinctly 'daytime' and it's all very mimsy, with an unhealthy fixation on lifestyle and pointless scare stories. In fact, if one word could be used to sum the whole thing up, it would be 'facile'. The reports seem to be based on half-baked theories or non-stories about various tedious Daily Mail style issues. Then there are the wacky presenters with their wacky props cajoling the human contents of some God-forsaken concrete shopping trench into saying or doing something amusing. It used to work, but these days we're all a little too smart to make too much of an arse of ourselves on the telly. Worry not though, there are plenty of pro-am attention seekers available to cover that quota adequately.
Quite what professional Brummie Adrian Chiles is doing on it is unclear, though he does actually anchor it reasonably well. The presenting style in the studio is very much similar to his Match Of The Day approach, i.e. slightly less obvious than your average TV host. But only slightly. His replacement this week is a small bald chap with a gruff cockney accent. He's fine doing 'to camera' stuff, but he doesn't quite have Chiles' amiable banter and iron grip on the conversation (which stops dull guests prattling on too long)
There are little islands of hope to be found in this river of toss though. They did a pretty good feature on Cloud Spotting a while back, and tonight there was a slightly disturbing chap on who seemed to revel in prodding freshly laid piles of cow shit (it was about Dung Beetles) It's this combination of whimsy and a little bit of wonder at the world around us that maybe gives the show an escape hatch to a better place. Then again, why not just do a programme about Dung Beetles and Cloud Spotting?
Still, it'll run forever, just as long as there's a never ending supply of arse-clenchingly dull semi-celeb guests (Penny Lancaster anyone?) , alleged experts on rubbish topics ('How to pose in clothing', 'prevent your cat from killing birds') and pointless vox-pop surveys and features (I remember one hideously ill-advised week-long feature about inter-town rivalries that reached it's nadir with an array of Channel Island yokels acting like pricks on St Hellier seafront. Or was it St Peter Port? Who cares.......)
As I said, I wish I could hide from it, but I can't. Virgin!! Get yer fucking arses in gear and bring me my ruddy broadband!!!
Yes, in letters that big. I'm not the only one either.........
Unlike the soaps, which are on just late enough for me to be able to sit at the PC in peace, The One Show is invariably on when I pop round to the folks to use the PC. So it's on in the background, and like most pointless froth, it seems to have the aggravating effect of not allowing me to concentrate on other things. Put something on involving wildlife, science or archeology and I'll merrily ignore it for it's duration. On the other hand, any flavour of mental chewing gum and it's like toothache, you simply cannot ignore it and you're left with no option but to prod it a bit and make it worse. One could argue, I suppose, that what early evening television has been screaming out for for years is a sort of update on the old Nationwide format, though this isn't it. Of course, what I really mean by 'update' is to cross Pebble Mill at One, with Watchdog to get a sort of Blue Peter for grown-ups. The tone is distinctly 'daytime' and it's all very mimsy, with an unhealthy fixation on lifestyle and pointless scare stories. In fact, if one word could be used to sum the whole thing up, it would be 'facile'. The reports seem to be based on half-baked theories or non-stories about various tedious Daily Mail style issues. Then there are the wacky presenters with their wacky props cajoling the human contents of some God-forsaken concrete shopping trench into saying or doing something amusing. It used to work, but these days we're all a little too smart to make too much of an arse of ourselves on the telly. Worry not though, there are plenty of pro-am attention seekers available to cover that quota adequately.
Quite what professional Brummie Adrian Chiles is doing on it is unclear, though he does actually anchor it reasonably well. The presenting style in the studio is very much similar to his Match Of The Day approach, i.e. slightly less obvious than your average TV host. But only slightly. His replacement this week is a small bald chap with a gruff cockney accent. He's fine doing 'to camera' stuff, but he doesn't quite have Chiles' amiable banter and iron grip on the conversation (which stops dull guests prattling on too long)
There are little islands of hope to be found in this river of toss though. They did a pretty good feature on Cloud Spotting a while back, and tonight there was a slightly disturbing chap on who seemed to revel in prodding freshly laid piles of cow shit (it was about Dung Beetles) It's this combination of whimsy and a little bit of wonder at the world around us that maybe gives the show an escape hatch to a better place. Then again, why not just do a programme about Dung Beetles and Cloud Spotting?
Still, it'll run forever, just as long as there's a never ending supply of arse-clenchingly dull semi-celeb guests (Penny Lancaster anyone?) , alleged experts on rubbish topics ('How to pose in clothing', 'prevent your cat from killing birds') and pointless vox-pop surveys and features (I remember one hideously ill-advised week-long feature about inter-town rivalries that reached it's nadir with an array of Channel Island yokels acting like pricks on St Hellier seafront. Or was it St Peter Port? Who cares.......)
As I said, I wish I could hide from it, but I can't. Virgin!! Get yer fucking arses in gear and bring me my ruddy broadband!!!
3 comments:
Your waiting for Virgin? You have my deepest sympathy. I hope they do a better job with thier broadband than they do with their cattle trucks (sorry Virgin Trains)
Me again. I've not seen the one show but to be honest I'm not surprised its crap. Since the BBC lost its bottle over the Hutton enquiry it seems to have dumbed down in all departments. I have given up watching it to be honest, especially since that idiot Titmarsh seems to be presenting all their nature programmes with his Janet and John delivery and complete lack of anything interesting to say about the subject. I'm even losing patience with Top Gear................
Yeah, it's been a real pain in the arse with Bransons mob. They sound like they couldn't organise a menoge. I'm going to cancel the account tomorrow and look elsewhere.
I actually don't mind the Titchmarsh nature show. I'm too engrossed in the subject matter to bother about him. As long as the animals don't have names and human emotions attributed to them, I'm quite happy.
I reckon Top Gear has always been desperate BW. I think I ranted about that sometime last year to no real effect.....
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