Friday, October 05, 2007

My Boss Is A Ninja



He is!! I swear! I never see him come into the office and never see him leave it. When he is in the office, I need eyes on the back of my head to detect his movements. If I find him clinging to the underside of my desk on Monday morning, I won't be the least bit surprised. His other trick is to wait until you've left your desk before he passes on instructions to you. On returning, a small yellow post-it with a semi-legible spidery scrawl on it is found on your desk stating your new mission in the exciting world of Title Deeds.

He reminds me a bit of Major Major from Catch 22. Does anyone else work with a similarly strange team leader/cog in the wheel type? I'd say every office has to have at least two or three of them.

On another subject, did anyone see 'You Can't Fire Me I'm Famous' the other night? Maybe it's because I've moved into the new place and I have no PC to otherwise distract me, but I've begun to watch a bit more television. I hope it isn't catching..............

I'm sure you all know the format of Piers 'Cunt' Morgans new vehicle. He basically sits and interviews celebs of varying talent and interest, all of whom have been dumped on their arses by the fickle nature of fate and fame. Quite why they believe they need to resorted to being interviewed by the worlds least sincere man is beyond me, though I imagine it could merely be an attempt to justify themselves or remind us again exactly why they no longer get the oxygen of publicity they so obviously crave and don't deserve. You doubt me? Consider names like Jade Goody, Naomi Campbell, Abi Titmuss, Richard Bacon..........

It all sounds like perfect car crash telly. There are a couple of problems though. Watching all of the above is likely to produce the square root of fuck all as far as sympathy goes in any reasonably sentient human being. What if the interviewee seems to be genuine and likable? Like Donny Osmond. Self deprecating to a fault, honest and, as a performing monkey since the age of about three, someone who has a genuine claim to have ridden the tip of the showbiz wave, as well as having been wiped out more times than he cares to remember. He didn't see 'penny one' of the fortune his family amassed and found that when he tried to grow out of his 'Osmonds' persona, nobody would listen to him. Cos he was Donny Fuckin' Osmond. Anyway, he plugged away, it came good again and he's made his fortune on Broadway. Good stuff.

Wheres Piers in all this? Or 'Pearce' as Donny kept calling him. 'Pearce' was busy nudging and guiding him along, often barely asking the question before Osmond came leaping in with a date or a time in which the incident happened, and so the anecdotes flooded out. Then it happened. Morgan had found something juicy. Something about a childhood letter Osmond had written whilst on tour in Sweden. Homesick and wanting to be back in Utah playing with his friends like a normal seven year old, he committed his his frustration to paper, only for his father to find it and tear a strip off him. This sparks off a genuinely uncomfortable piece of TV, in which 'Morgan The Merciless' ignores Osmonds plea to let it lie and continues to prod what still seems to be a bit of an open wound. Repeatedly. Until he cries. Tasteful? Only just. I saw no malice in Morgans eyes, but nor did I see much mercy.

Whilst Osmond never truly hit rock bottom, his story is full of humiliation and pathos. Being a Mormon helps. When you can't even go on a 24 hr tea & coffee bender, it's that little bit easier to focus on getting things back on track. No booze/coke/crack/smack/elephant tranquilisers etc to deflect you from returning to the top.

Just a horrifically unhip reputation that denied him any work (so much so that a pre-loony Michael Jackson urged him to change his name) and the bitterness that will eternally accompany anyone who spent their entire childhood performing for the financial pleasure of others, only to find that their dues were in someone elses bank account.
Anyway, I'm glad he's doing musicals. His singing brings me out in a rash............



This ones for Clairwil...............


3 comments:

Matt said...

Stealth like movement of office management. All powered by coffee. Donny Osmand would get all the stationary.

Clairwil said...

Ah my passionate youth. Where did it all go?

I fucking love that song. In the unlikely event I was asked to explain what being in love is like I'd stick that on and look thoughtful.

iLL Man said...

Matt - That Donny..........Wondered where my post-its went.

Clairwil - I just found it again when I moved. Also love the video.