Sunday, March 09, 2008

Egg Chasers

Scenic view of the 'Firhill Arena', Home of the Glasgow Warriors RFC. Partick Thistle FC also play here when the pitch is up to it.

I admit it, it's a game that defeats me. A game that goes beyond my meagre grasp of logic. A game in which a player can slide into a challenge knees up and catch an opponent on the temple, yet the actual foul relates to a technical infringement that happened a few seconds later............I bemoan the 'nancy boy' nature of a lot of footballers, sure, but F**k Me, these guys play for keeps, eh?

Anyway, that's not my beef really, I accept that this is how the game operates and I'm too big a puss to ever get to grips with it. No, my big hassle is trying to watch the footage on TV. Now, back in the old days, it was simple. Uncle Bill McLaren was the commentator and frankly, he knew his shit and had no need for any outside interference. Scottish he may have been, but he was as neutral and professional as it was possible to be. You got the game described to you as it happened, each move or decision related, with maybe the odd wry aside if the ref got something a bit wrong according to the replays.

Alas, Bill has long since has hung up his microphone and we are now free to be subjected to the whimsical notions of TV producers who don't give a flying fuck about sport but instead want to subject us all to what they regard as 'entertaining tv'. Yeah, that'll be the moronic and exhausting pantomime of a Scottish commentator and an English co-commentator spewing their partisan views at us and then getting in a huff with each other during a Calcutta Cup match. Yeah, great for people who rub themselves to messy orgasms over Wifeswap and Big Brother, but fuck me if it's not a massive turn off when watching a sport I need to concentrate hard on to make head nor tale of in the first place. Is it that hard to find someone who will commentate on these things with a degree of professionalism? Isn't it better to do the same as football and simply have specially selected and utterly biased commentary teams for each network or game?

The impression I got of the Scotland V England game yesterday was through the eyes of two fans with microphones. One a professional journalist/commentator who kept letting his guard slide and who should maybe take a closer look at himself and the other a perpetually whining ex- England player who whilst he could argue that this was his role as a co-commentator in the circumstances, really ought to be surplus to requirements. Give me total bias for the target markets or someone man enough to cover the match with something approaching a detached viewpoint.

Right! How about this..... Someone tell me how the fucking game works and I'll do it! I swear, I'm Association Rules through and through, I couldn't care less which bunch of farm hands or public schoolboys wins, I'm articulate, can string a few sentences together.............

Anyone?

I mean, they let Archie McPherson commentate on football AND Beach Volleyball, so surely nothing's sacred.......

3 comments:

Cocktails said...

There is no point to rugby. It's just people running into each other!

iLL Man said...

I realise that now. I actually wrote that last night whilst a bit drunk, but wasn't able to post it until today. I only understand now just how pointless a rant it is.

Malc said...

A lot of truth there. Commentary last weekend was dismal. If anything, the Calcutta Cup commentary was an improvement on the Ireland v Wales game earlier.

Nobody really knows the rules and, in any case, they keep changing so nobody has the faintest idea what is going on, least of all the players.

Still love it, though.