Saturday, June 16, 2007

Defolosing It



................And so the Mothership brought me back to Earth and I was able to resume my duties as Scotlands premier comedy sex god/housewives choice and blogger of little note...........

I've now promised myself that I shall only blog when drunk, this is about entertainment folks. Just ask The Hoff.............

Anyway, on the subject of getting ripped to the fucking tits, getting absolutely mortal, finding ones self 'Too Drunk to Fuck'.................I love the Russians!! A more shamelessly pissed up nation you couldn't imagine. Oh, I'm sure many's the Scotsman that could keep up with them in a Vodka marathon, but who would be feeling guilt ridden and peely wally in the morning?

Aye!

I don't mean to glamourise the excessive consumption of the booze, but................Actually, fuck that, I do. Old Bozzer Yeltsin spannered on hisprivate jet? The single greatest image of the nineties. Fuck off with yr Madonna videyos and L7 on The Word. One man NOT appearing from a stationary airliner cos he was three sheets to the wind, now that's classy. That's the thing, Bush had to get sober to become US prez. Yeltsin got the top job and continued to neck the Smirnoff like a man with two heads. Guess what situation I'm most comfortable with...........?

Sober people lack perspective and take things far too seriously. I'm more comfortable with a drunk in charge of a nuclear arsenal than some ex pisshead who found God and who would have no second thoughts about launching something naughty into the night sky if he thought his particular brand of deity might approve of it. After all, why would a partying prez possibly want to endanger the known Universe? Where would he get more distilled potato juice from if he did that?

This of course is why I'm scared of Putin. Looks like he hasn't had a days fun in about twenty years. He could almost pass for a Firhill season ticket holder.
Anyway, it would seem that along with the Irish, the English, the Norwegians, Swedes, Danes, Finns and Russians, not to mention the Germans, The Scots are still defying the notion of 'cafe culture' and deciding to die young and leave a rather unpleasant corpses. It's the least we can do.

That said, and all racial/cultural stereotypes aside, it would seem that the current mania amongst poverty stricken Russians is for a good old whack of turps/aftershave/windo-lene....Pretty harrowing stuff really. There has to be something wrong when seemingly normal people have to buy instantly lethal moonshine because a bottle of Vodka is outwith their price range.


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Lastly, has anyone ever seen someone 'cross' themselves when an amulance passes by? I like to think it helped whatever poor bastard was in the back but I get the feeling it's a gesture made to make the living feel a little better. 'Thank fuck it's not me' is all I hear when I see people do that.

5 comments:

Lord Milky said...

Booze, king of the vices!

Your Russian point though:

There was an interesting film about this on the BBC about two months back (Vodka's My Poison). Putin has taxed decent vodka in an attempt to lower alcoholism. It hasn't worked. Some of the moonshine is fine, apparently, but there has been an influx of medical cleaner which eradicates the liver. It also looks like the company is fully aware of its product's main use and are flogging it off to the moonshine barons. Putin have taxed decent vodka in an attempt to lower alcoholism.

You basically got to watch the presenter drinking moonshine and seeing if his liver went into meltdown. What a guy!

(I couldn't find it on youtube)

Clairwil said...

Spot on, the booze is top.
But I may have something better! I have in my possession some fine Fly Agaric mushrooms. Shall we take a trip?

iLL Man said...

Lord Milky - I read about the black market in selling anti-freeze and whatnot somewhere on the BBC website. The link I provided touches on it a little, but I couldn't find the original story. Apparently some of the illegal stuff made it's way over here a few years back and killed a few people. they had no idea it was 'gut rot in extremis' and necked the whole bottle. Messy.

Apparently Russians don't consider beer to be 'proper alcohol'. My admiration grows by the day.....

Clairwil- I think we shall. When?

ZinZin said...

Talking of Alcohol, i left a bottle of lager in the freezer and I am currently enjoying a lager lolly.

iLL Man said...

I'm quite partial to half frozen lager. Especially if it's something rank like Budweezer, Miller or your average South American rat piss brews. The less you can taste the better.