Saturday, October 01, 2005

Subbeuteo, Jock Stein and Broke Channel Islanders

I remember Subbeuteo. I got a set for christmas one year. Not from my parents either, a friend of the family got it for me. Whatever i'd asked for that year lay rusting in a corner i'm afraid. What has this got to do with anything I hear almost nobody ask...Well, taking a wander round Borders after work today, I stumbled upon the new Subbeuteo sets. They used to be works of art. Painted figurines on little lead ballasted bases. Now? A piece of laminated cardboard with the image of some overpaid hit and hope merchant from the Premiership. Imagination used to be a big part of the game, imagining that the scruffy Bradford City team you had was really Partick Thistle.....or somesuch. It's now just a cheap and tacky botch job aimed at a generation who could'nt give a fuck about such a concept as they all have video games that make Subbeuteo look utterly laughable. The moment I ditched Subbeuteo was the moment I discovered Sensible Soccer on the C64 back in 1989, so what chance has it got now with the latest generation of console footy games........................JUST LET IT DIE YOU BASTARDS!!!!!!! More footy related shenanigans...................Having watched the Ricky Tomlinson vehicle 'Mike Basset, Manager' last night and found the laughs to be few and far between, I have to hold my hand up and say that one of the few funny bits seems to have, according to the Daily Record, outraged a nation. The joke in question involved the elderly club chairman croaking after 'Wirral County' go a goal down after five seconds. As the old man slumps over in his seat, Tomlinson, as Basset exclaims "Bloody Hell, He's Done A Jock Stein On Me" I'm not going to justify the gag with some convoluted explanation, as i'd be the first to admit it was in bad taste. I did however laugh like a fool.... Look, if it annoys the overly precious and usually thick as shit average Scottish footy fan, then it's obviously done its job. Lastly, spare a thought for poor Steven who works alongside me. He's a decent chap, if rather prone to arcane speech ('Cool For Cats', 'Alright Dude') Anyway, he's broke as they come this weekend, and thats after being paid. At one point I was worried he'd jumped out of the rather large toilet window when he took an inordinately long comfort break. I'm not entirely sure he's joking when he says he's thinking of becoming a male escort. Ladies and Gents, I give you.................The Jersey Gigolo...... With that awful thought I shall leave you.

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