Saturday, January 07, 2006

Fifteen Facts About Chuck Norris

Ok, these have been doing the rounds for a few weeks. I must admit, the part of me that is still fifteen years old finds these very funny. It has overruled my better judgement and decided to produce a blog post about the phenomenon. Normal service will be resumed tomorrow. 1-Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. 2-If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death. 3-The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain. 4-Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice. 5-When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris. 6-To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong. 7-When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever. 8-Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants. 9-Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris 10-Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did. 11-At birth, Chuck Norris came out feet first so he could roundhouse kick the doctor in the face. Nobody delivers Chuck Norris but Chuck Norris 12-Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer. 13- chuck norris once roundhouse kicked mr t at the exact moment mr t punched him in the chest. the result was the 80's 14-How many CHUCK NORRIS’S does it take to screw in a light bulb…WHAT!? CHUCK NORRIS doesn’t need light. Light needs CHUCK NORRIS. 15-CHUCK NORRIS died 10 years ago, but Death is too afraid to tell that to CHUCK NORRIS More can be found here if you haven't yet lost the will to live................ In other news, the Blog Of The Week nominations by yours truly are on show at The Mischief All are worthy candidates so have a gander at them all and vote accordingly.


Anonymous said...

Hey Great Site Buddy….
I just want to talk about america man. I study for cups in old europe and sometimes people call me a cowboy and treelicker for just doing the right thing. They got this slang. It’s like they stole christmas or something. Sometimes they say stuff like come to the forest so I’m like yeah whatever buddy and they all got those towels on their heads like some kind of freedom haters. Anyway we get to the forest and there’s like a slew of them and it’s weird, they pull back and Ross Perot is there and he’s alone as if in a dream clutching a moist Henry James novel. I just don’t get it. Sometimes we go eat the snails and I do a pee pee on ann coulter to try and fit in, but it’s not enough, so I fuck a bear, but that doesn’t make them happy. Do they want tofee and silver bushes? I don’t know. Sometimes I sit on the toilet and imigane that I’m this wiretapped guy and our president is listening to my doo doos talking. It kind of makes me feel unamerican but it’s fun y’know. C’mon we’ve all done it. Do any of you remember Goldbergs? I think Michelle Malkin is strange. She appeared to me in a dream and said she was a commie then she put my head up her ass and said smell stalin baby. What I want to know is when are we going to purge her? But can I play with her puppies first? Anyhow I just wanted to touchbase. Give my love to mom and pop and Simon Le Bon. I remember when Ronald Reagan was alive, he used to run around like a puppy and chase me up the stairs and I used to put hot dogs up his doggy ass. Hey y’know what kids are. I dream in pizza and reign in hell baby boy!

ill man said...

I've just found this!!!

For the record, I don't want to talk about america, so please fuck off.

Are you on uppers or downers?