Monday, July 31, 2006

My Weakness

Certain things rule your life. Some of them are inevitable and unavoidable. Death and taxes etc.... Some are emotional or pleasurable and much as they try you, life wouldn't be the same without them. Some on the other hand are hideous blights on your existence and seem to have been placed there to take advantage of your weakness and basest compulsions. ..........Like the vending machine at work. What a cunt this thing is. I can't walk past it without glancing at it's contents. Even when i'm fucking stuffed after lunch.....yet it still holds an influence over me that I can't seem to break. Hunger is the initial catalyst. By about half past ten in the morning, i'm ravenous and need something to eat. A packet of crisps usually fills the hole, but it never stops there. Hell no! An hour later, i'm back worshipping at the alter of sugary snacks. I have turned into Homer Simpson. I can't bloody help myself and as long as it's there I'll be a slave to it's wares, my teeth gradually dissolving in my mouth and my waistline expanding by the month...... I'm convinced it's satan himself who comes to reload the fucker twice a week......... Anyway, what I really want to know from you all is what your particular weaknesses are when it comes to these evil mechanical tormentors. (Or if vending machines aren't a particular problem for you, tell me what is...............)

17 comments:

Rob7534 said...

While the vending machine holds much power over me (snickers, Dorito Chips, M&M's, and the excellent Bit-'O-Honey bars,) my main problem is with the SODA vending machine!

My penchant for the sweet beverage knows no bounds, and I believe I have single-handedly bequihed a small fortune to the soda "vending machine man" on pure Mountain Dew.

I work nights, and often get tired, God help me!

Billy said...

The only thing I buy from the corner shop near my work is chocolate, yet they know me as well as if I was a heavy smoker who did the lottery and got the morning paper there.

I really ought to branch out more. They make and sell their own Bombay Mix there. Yum.

ill man said...

Rob, yor vending machine sounds just as good/evil as mine.........

Billy, What's the Bombay mix like?Do they stick anything interesting in it? Can you send me a bag.........?

=D

matt lobster said...

The vending machine at my work sells a packet of Polos for 40p. 40p for a packet of Polos!!! I could buy a Toffee Crisp for that, or a Mars Bar, I mean Believe Bar. When are they going to go back to being Mars Bars? We didn't believe, we got knocked out, all of these bars should have been recalled.

The canteen has Flapjacks though. I cannot stop eating flapjacks. Please remove flapjacks from England. Please!!!

ill man said...

Rob, I have the opposite problem. Everything is 35p in our machine, including the Irn Bru and Coke!!! I have absolutely no fucking chance some days. Today was a coffee day, which means I type this with my teeth grinding and my legs pounding like Floyd Landis with a second wind.

I need to break the cycle of sugar and caffeine before it's to late.

lextc said...

when i, ahem, used to work, the soda machine was my addiction. no 12 oz mt dew for me, it had to be 20 oz, and sometimes two in a day. then i realized the coffee, although terrible, was free and could give me the same fix, so i just gave up the soda at work. not quite the same high, of course.

ill man said...

Lex, what exactly is Mountain Dew? That's two mentions it's received so far. I assume it's loaded with caffeine?

Free coffee is indeed usually vile, but theres something about the very fact it's free that compells you to guzzle gtallons of the stuff.

Rob7534 said...

You don't work anymore Lextc? :) Must be nice.

Illman, Mountain Dew is a soft drink here in the States, very high sugar & caffine! I "Loves-it!"

But lately, I'm all about the Mountain Dew - Code Red variety.

Billy said...

Ill Man, the bags are massive, the size of a giant crisp packet.

Oh and they don't call it Bombay Mix they actually give it the proper name, can't remember it off the top of my head.

GreatSheElephant said...

nope, nothing from vending machines, although I like sitting next to the one on Highgate tube station southbound platform and watching people looking shocked when it eats their money. When will they ever learn? That machine hasn't dispensed anything in the six years I've been watching it (not 24/7 you understand).

I think you need a proper breakfast. May I recommend porridge and a nice boiled egg.

Sandra said...

Illman: Mountain Dew is like Irn Bru except that it's not nice.
I can't pass chocolate machines in the Yew Kay, because Canadian chocolate is so narsty.

ill man said...

Sandra, Rob, cheers for the update on Mountain Dew. Very fond of 'The Bru' Sandra, but i'm trying my best to stay away from soft drinks as a whole at the moment.

Anyway, the best softies you can buy are the San Pelligrino ones you find in proper Italian restaurants.

Greatsheelephant, I think you may be right about having a more solid breakfast. A bowl of cornflakes simply doesn't cut it.

Billy, the 'mix' sounds awesome. I'd still demolish it in an afternoon though...............

gordon said...

Can I ask where are the pics in this post taken?

ill man said...

The first one was taken at Weymss Bay, the second one was taken on the train approaching Greenock/Gourock and the last one was taken at the Weymss Bay ferry terminal.

lextc said...

again, catching up... i see mt. dew has been covered, but would just like to add that it is very nice, a nice burn going down your throat. :) my friend got a 2liter of iron bru while in stirling, but i forgot to try it and see what all the fuss is about. next time maybe. and i can bring you some mt. dew; there really is nothing like it.

and yeah, i dont work at the moment. but that cant last, can it?

ill man said...

It's a deal Mrs......

=D

Anonymous said...

Keep up the good work » » »