Friday, April 13, 2007

Don't Fuck With Me Asshole, I'm Ten Times As Boring As You'll Ever Be!


Office bores. They bore you and bore you and then as if that wasn't enough for them, they bore you a little bit more so that come five O'Clock, you don't get yr coat and go out the door, but instead open a window, perch above the traffic below and convince yrself that pavements really are made of mattresses and marshmallow. I of course have a stronger mind than that. I counter fire with fire and deliver a few salvo's of my own. Todays topic was Scottish Cup winners and old footie teams. Office bore gives it big licks with how he once stored the OVD Junior Cup in his mothers back room to prevent it getting damaged, before telling us that he's handled every domestic football trophy in Scotland. Fact and fiction are one and the same to this clown.

Solid, who sits opposite me is partly culpable, mainly because he believes absolutely everything you tell him, so OB gets his jollies with little or no effort. Thing is, I know as much as OB does, if not more, about the arcane elements of Scottish football and he didn't like the fact that I knew St Bernards had never won the Scottish Cup*. I later informed him about things he didn't know about Stirling Albion and their previous incarnation, Kings Park. The final straw came when shortly after he claiming St Bernards were a Glasgow team, I turned round and stated that they were in fact an Edinburgh team. He didn't seem interested then........

Yes, I am a jumped up little prick, but theres nothing better than pricking the bubble of conceit and pomposity with some of your own.

Anyway, it's come to my notice that I have neglected to post on this fair blog for a full four days. Not like me really, I've always got some tedious guff to impart. So where have I been? I'd like you all to think I've been Drug Running On A Panamanian Schooner, or maybe Running Wild With The One I Love or possibly Living In A Trailer At The Edge Of Town


Alas, none of them are true. If only life conformed to carefully chosen song lyrics...................................



Adios my sweethearts.......
*Little known fact. St Bernards did actually win the Scottish Cup in 1895. So I was wrong.........

5 comments:

matt lobster said...

Probably the best titled post there has ever been in the history of titling posts.

Can't you just feel your life bleeding away in an office. Maybe Scottish football knowledge is the only way to get through the day.

Freshblade said...

Glad that someone else is as fed-up as me. Misery loves company. :)

Fat Sparrow said...

"They bore you and bore you and then as if that wasn't enough for them, they bore you a little bit more so that come five O'Clock, you don't get yr coat and go out the door, but instead open a window, perch above the traffic below and convince yrself that pavements really are made of mattresses and marshmallow."

Oh, so that's what happened with the guy at the Empire State building. I thought it was just because his parents named him "Moshe."

iLL Man said...

Matt - Office life is like limbo with photocopiers. Don't worry, I'm plotting my escape..... As for Office Bore he's a nice enough chap, but he tells some amount of porkies.

Freshblade - Och, I'm not that grumpy. I prefer to get annoyed at the wee things in life. I feel it keeps me sane. I'll get you added and pop over to see how that thesis is coming on.... ;D

Sparrow - It could well have been the same delusion. That said, I think jumping from the Emp State onto marshmallow would still be pretty grisly.

FlyingRodent said...

You think that's bad, I've been told to come up with two interesting things about myself for some wanky training day at work.

The best I've been able to come up with is that I met Darth Vader when I was five.

I decided not to mention that I was arrested on suspicion of arson at the age of twenty, that wouldn't go down well at all.