Monday, April 16, 2007

Love Is Cheap

.................about 40p a bar going by this report. Isn't it great? I can buy a bar of Bournville/Dairy Milk and the sensations I get from scoffing said confectionery should give me a buzz that apparently negates the need to engage in tonsil hockey with the opposite sex. It's actually my lack of charm and odd personality that do all the negating in that respect, but it's nice to know that the heady rush gained from a passionate kiss with someone you really rather like can be replaced by letting some chocolate melt in your mouth. This has it's advantages. Chocolate doesn't bite your tongue, give you freakish throat infections, suck your lips until they turn blue and feverishly attempt to retrieve your last meal by sticking it's tongue down your throat. Nor does it leave at the drop of a hat with it's gay/ugly mate to catch the night bus home. It does rot your teeth and make you fat but you can't have everything.

So, does anyone really favour a door-stop sized bar of Galaxy over a bit of 'In/Out' with the dancing partner of ones choosing? Oh, and if you do anything other than eat it, please don't tell me, I might hate you forever...............

That said, I have all the passion of a dead Halibut so fire away........................
Anyway, answers on a Terry Kelly Campaign Leaflet, tied to a half brick and addressed to an as yet unbuilt luxury condo on what is for now Seedhill Playingfields

7 comments:

Fat Sparrow said...

Kissing is highly over-rated. Just get yer lad out, that's what I say.

Ladybristol said...

Can it refresh the parts that others have failed?

Gorilla Bananas said...

Chocolate can't scratch your back though. Having your back scratched while eating chocolate sounds like a good combination.

nmj said...

Hey Ill Man, I once read that people are comforted by ice cream and chocolate because they melt in your mouth, the context was sexual, but I can't remember the details.

ZinZin said...

Ill man, why not combine sex and chocolate? Or use chocolate to get sex?

It is an aphrodisac. Well it give me the horn.

rb said...

it's all your fault I ate a mountain's worth of Toblerone after I read this

seemed like the thing to do

;)

iLL Man said...

Fat Sparrow - I've tried that. It's a wonder I wasn't arrested.

Lady Bristol - No, I'm afraid not. A cold beer maybe, but not the the old cocoa solids.

Sir GB - It certainly can't. I think this is my point. chocolate and 'the other' ought to be kept apart and enjoyed for the pleasures that they undoubtedly are.

NMJ - Interesting theory. The 'research' into this sex/chocolate thingy centres around letting chocolate melt in the mouth rather than chomping it like an absolute glutton. Maybe this is where I'm going wrong.....

Zinzin - It gave you the horn? get yerself along to wherever it is they hold these experiments and go hog wild.....
As I've said before, I don't believe chocolate and sex should mix. Just think of the mess it would make of the sheets! Using chocolate to get sex is another thing altogether and quite frankly it seems a tad complex. I think this is why alcohol was invented.

rb - Glad I got someone to enjoy the true pleasure of choccy goodness. It's just that, something to make you feel good about for half an hour and guilty for a fortnight.....

Ah, wicked pleasures.........