Thursday, November 09, 2006

Bad Beer

Argh! Can I not go five minutes without feeling a bit grubby or under the weather? The other night I bought some beer. A few bottles of some rather nice wheat beer from Falkirk (I shit you not!). Anyway, I cracked one open to find that it was utterly flat. Dead as Donny Rumsfelds political career (first cheap shot of the night, eyethankyew.........) I tried it and unsurprisingly found it to be quite unpleasant. I opened the next and it seemed to be equally sour. The third was something of an improvement but it was still nowhere near as good as the bottle I had at the weekend. Anyway, in all I think I must have consumed about half a pint of beer that most certainly had gone off due to not being bottled properly. I've not been the same since...... The moral of the story? Stick to known brands, don't buy anything that claims to be bottle conditioned and be very wary of men from Larbert and their home brewing kits. Anyway, i'm a wee bit tired, but i'll not go to bed. No, that would be easy. That would be sensible. That my friends would be giving in. No, I shall sit here and have a few more beers, listen to some Mahler and the Elastica album again and I shall drift pointlessly through the pages of Blogland for the next hour or so like a bad smell. Or maybe the first waft of spring air. One of the two anyway. Needless to say you should visit Clairwil and tell her of any acts of random foolishness and mischief you have been indulging in recently. For my part I have started pressing every traffic light button I encounter whether i'm crossing the road or not. "Oooooh!" I hear you say mockingly, "Think big Ill Man, that'll bring them to their knees!!!!" A piffling act of tomfoolery for sure but it's a start. I have the soul of a presbyterian minister at times you see and that part of me disapproves greatly of 'fucking around'. It's a cross i've had to bear for too long a time. Anyway, i'm sure any car drivers reading this will testify to how annoying it is to have to wait for non existant pedestrians to cross the road when you're five minutes late for joining that queue of traffic trying to get into the city centre. What can I say? Next time you encounter a 'phantom red' think of me, a perverse skip added to my stride as I gambol and frolick my way to another eight hours of slack jawed mouse clicking monotony in stalag North St. My needs are simple, as is my mind. One more thing. Visit this man and ask, nay DEMAND that he make more posts. Genius. Ok, that's yer lot. Now piss off!

2 comments:

Clairwil said...

'I have the soul of a presbyterian minister at times you see and that part of me disapproves greatly of 'fucking around'.'

Pah! I won't have it. You have a sense of the absurd. Start using it.

I agree Kismet is wonderful. How can we make him post?

ill man said...

I always use my sense of absurdity. It's what keeps me from joining the Free Church and becoming a loss to humanity...........

I think Kismet needs to be enticed our way. He also needs to blog more. Why do the talented ones hide their lights under a bushell?