Thursday, November 02, 2006

.........Oh, She's Got Legs Like A Spider...............

I see Fat Sparrow's been having trouble with insects. I won't go as far as to say I like insects, they can be a pain in the arse(wasps, bluebottles, midges etc) but I do like the old Daddy Long-Legs or 'Jennies' as my folks call them. There seems to be some conjecture over what a Daddy Longlegs actually is. For instance, there seem to be two different spider types that frankly i'm unfamiliar with and I do believe they are unworthy of the name. They're just rubbish arachnids. On the other hand, the beastie in this link and the picture above is actually a crane fly. Such clumsy and pointless creatures, I sort of identify with them.................... I also like bees and those weird hovering insects that look like tiny hummingbirds. I've been trying all summer to get shots of those stripey fuckers in the botanic gardens but to no avail. They always turn out blurry and out of focus, mainly because I can't get in close enough without shitting myself when they move. I know they tend not to sting as they're too busy going about their business to bother about some moron with a camera, but many years of indoctrination about the dangers of black and yellow flying insects has ingrained itself in me. My other favourites are moths. Every so often i'll see a really fat furry fucker in the bathroom and just stand there looking at it. When it's not flying about like a lunatic in the lampshade that is.............. Bye!

15 comments:

Fat Sparrow said...

Oh Jesus fuck, Ill Man, was it necessary to put up a picture?! I practically jumped out of my skin when I saw it. Those stupid Crane flies give me the shudders, big time. I am deathly afraid of them, even in pictures. Yuck, yuck, and yuck again. Where's my can of Raid?! Damn, I've still got goosebumps.

the ill man said...

Sorry Fat Sparrow...Wasn't my intention to scare the bejeesus out of you. Or anyone else.....

I'll post up a smaller shot tonight. Much smaller.

Fat Sparrow said...

Ah, don't worry about me, I'm a big pussy, as the husband keeps telling me...

Yes, I know where the door is....

Clairwil said...

What are those stripey fuckers. One landed on my thigh a few years back when I was doing a spot of yoga at home. I beat it to death with a newspaper and felt much calmer as a result.

ill man said...

Clairwil, I saw quite large versions of them in France a few years ago, hovvering about the flower baskets outside the house we were staying in. I have no idea what they are though.

Fat Sparrow - Crane Flies don't bother me too much, they look too ungainly and amusing. Their only real purpose is to act as a source of food for the birdies. That said, the thought of one of them landing on my face in the middle of the night is fairly disturbing.

Clairwil said...

eeek!

or worse landing on your face and geting in your mouth. Don't have nightmares.

ill man said...

I think that's only a problem if you lie on your back and snore. I'm more of a 'curled up in a ball' type.

Fat Sparrow said...

Clairwil, you are too funny. Is there an official name for that yoga position? You know, like "Relaxing with squashed insect"?

Ill Man, I have an actual phobia, and don't like any bugs. I would truly rather cut off my arm than touch a bug. I can stand ladybugs if I don't think about them too much, but butterflies still make me scream inadvertently if they come too close. I have to feed my bird mealworms, and even though I've been doing it for a bit, I'll still get nightmares occasionally.

Oh, I forgot to tell you: I was reading in the paper the other day about a shingles vaccine. It had to do mainly with older people, as they are the ones that usually get shingles, but I imagine it could work for younger people, too. You get the vaccine, and it is supposed to really cut down on symptoms and outbreaks. It's also used in combination with anti-viral drugs, for when you do have outbreaks. If you haven't heard of it, or your doctor hasn't mentioned it, you may want to ask about it. I forgot to clip the article, but it didn't have any web links listed, sorry. Our newspaper is so 1995 sometimes.

Clairwil said...

Fat Sparrow,
I don't know if there is a name for it but I love killing insects. I hate the bastards. My mum is always moaning on that I'm going to be reincarnated as a spider or worse to atone for my crimes against insects.

The only exceptions are 'money' spiders, ants, butterflies and ladybirds. The rest must be eliminated.

Fat Sparrow said...

Insectocidaphilia?

You know, I get told that same thing about killing bugs. What a bunch of twats. If I was a reincarnated as a bug, I would want to be squashed, you twats!

And "money" spiders?! Hahahaha!

"Yo, homie, that spider is money!"

You've got to tell me what "money" spiders are, as there is no way I am Googling for those fuckers. There might be pictures.

Pam said...

My work colleague calls them jannies (I now imagine them with tiny buckets of sawdust) but someone else misheard her and now we call them trannies.

Clairwil said...

Pah!
Crazy Sparrow! Not even I am scared of money spiders. They're little red dots no bigger than a freckle. I love them.

Clairwil said...

Oh for fucks sake,
DO NOT GOOGLE IMAGE MONEY SPIDERS!!!!

You don't get real money shots, just vile eight legged scum. Yuck! What is the proper term for the money boys? I love the wee lads.

matt lobster said...

In a very real way, that was a story of strength.

FlyingRodent said...

Smartarse that I am, I'll add that daddy long legs are so called because Scottish merchant sailors used to encounter daddy long legs spiders on their travels, which are slight, spindly and fast.

Additionally, a drunk man in a pub once told me that God played a horrible trick on daddy long legs - they're incredibly venomous, but don't have any teeth.

Try telling that to my mate's cat, which eats the little buggers like they were candy floss.